Does Your Heart Need Healing? Here Are 3 Ways to Begin...

A few months ago, I started working with a client who was struggling to pull her life together after her husband left her for another woman.  She was in a great deal of pain and having a difficult time letting go of her anger, jealousy, and resentment.  As we discussed what she could do to start healing, my heart welled with empathy.

Years ago, I was hopelessly in love with a man who left me two separate times to have affairs with much younger women.  The first time, I was devastated.  The second time, I was so angry I never wanted to see him again.  I tried to pretend I didn’t care, but that only deepened my anger and resentment.  I felt insecure, jealous, and filled with self-doubts.

It took me years to heal from that experience and recover my self-esteem.  I learned everything I could on healing and relationships.  Ultimately, it led me to the work I do now because I didn’t want other women to go through the long, painful process I did.

If your heart is hurting, here are three ways to begin healing:

• Focus your energy on yourself.  When we are involved in a painful relationship, all our energy gets directed at trying to make the relationship better.  There’s very little energy left for ourselves.  The biggest mistake we make as women is giving too much of ourselves away.  We try to make everything better for everyone else, but then have nothing left over for ourselves.  Let go of focusing your attention on your partner and his life; bring all of your attention back to your own life. 
• Express your feelings.  In order to start healing, your feelings need to be expressed in a safe place.  Create a “Healing Your Heart” journal and begin writing.  Talk with a coach, therapist, or spiritual counselor to have a safe environment to express your feelings and facilitate your healing process.  Reach out for help and support when you need it.
• Do one small thing every day that makes you feel good and helps you take better care of yourself.  When we are trying to pick up the pieces of our life after a relationship ends, we forget to take care of ourselves.  Yet, it’s the most critical time for us to give ourselves the love and attention we’re no longer receiving from a partner.

A lot of these things may feel impossible to do right now.  I know it did for me, but you can do it.  Get support and give yourself time.  The healing won’t happen overnight, but it will happen.  Be gentle with yourself.  Be patient.  Difficult though it may be to believe, you will heal.

Your Assignment:  Make healing and self-care your biggest priority.

If you have children, it will do them good to see you taking care of yourself.  You are not your best as a mother, if you are unhappy and miserable with your life.  You need to put yourself first.  You need a healthy outlet for your feelings and a safe space to heal your heart.

Look for one small thing to do each day that makes you feel good.  One day at a time, you will see, your life will become one that makes your heart sing again… where all your dreams can come true.