I have a confession.
I am, by nature, a people
pleaser.
It’s one of the reasons I love
what I do so much.
I get to
help make people happy.
Wanting to make my
clients happy is a valuable
personality trait when it comes
to business.
Not so much when it comes to
personal relationships.
I learned that lesson today
along with a huge revelation.
Wanting to make
everyone happy in personal
relationships very often comes
with the high price of self-sacrifice.
Self-sacrifice is NOT a valuable
personality trait in relationships.
In fact, it can result in the
build-up of resentment,
anger, guilt and the deterioration
of love both for ourselves and others.
So, how did I so brilliantly learn this
lesson and have this huge revelation?
I didn’t. My wonderful
and very wise
boyfriend pointed it out to me.
I was struggling on how to handle
a situation with my daughter’s father.
He had sent me a snotty
email trying to make me feel
guilty for not forcing my daughter
to contact him.
Since this was coming from a man
who chose not to participate in my
daughter’s life in any way for over
fourteen years and she’s only fifteen,
his attitude really upset me.
Up until this time, I have tried to
be incredibly kind and understanding
to him, even though he shirked
all responsibility to my daughter
for years.
I responded to his email with a few
very pointed comments of how I felt
about his expectations
and his total lack of caring and
responsibility towards my daughter.
But then I started to feel guilty.
My people-pleasing instincts kicked
in and I felt like I should try to do
something to make him
feel better.
Maybe I was a bit too harsh.
Maybe I shouldn’t have been quite
so blunt and honest in my email.
Maybe I should have been even more
understanding… again.
I called my boyfriend, who was a
single parent for many years, and asked
for a second opinion.
He very patiently pointed out to me
that it wasn’t my job to make EVERYONE
happy, least of all someone who had
created his own predicament by his
own actions… or rather lack of actions.
Wow. Really?
What a revelation.
He further supported me in having
expressed my long-hidden feelings by
telling the truth in my email to my daughter's
father. In my
boyfriend’s words, the ball
was in his court.
And now I needed to let it go.
Just let go and NOT try and try
and try to make everyone happy?
Wow. Really?
What a revelation.
But you know what?
He’s right.
It’s not my job.
It IS my job to make sure my
clients are happy.
And I will bend
over backwards to make sure they
are. I love my
clients and I love what
I do.
But trying to always
make everyone happy in our personal
life will generally constitute some form
of self-sacrifice, and it is impossible
to make anyone else happy if we
ourselves aren’t happy.
Sacrificing ourselves, our feelings,
our self-respect, our honesty, is a
sure-fire route to unhappiness.
Funny, I tell my clients that all the time.
I guess it was time I took my own advice and
learned that lesson first-hand.
My advice? Make
yourself happy
first, then worry about everyone else.
There are times when it is simply
NOT your job to make others happy,
no matter how guilty they may try to
make you feel.
Put the ball back in their court.
And then let go.
We all create
our own realities and sometimes we
just need to let other people live out their
own.
Then you can focus on creating yours
just the way you want it, without
sacrificing anything :-)
Until next time,
With all my love,
Dawn
Dawn Allen, M.S.
Love & Law of Attraction Coach
Certified Dream Coach
Certified Passion Test Facilitator
541.608.0508
http://www.InspiredHeartCoaching.com
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