If You're Healing from a Love that Hurt, Don't Make this Mistake...

Have you ever had a relationship end, and then months later when you’re alone on a Saturday night reminisced about some of the good times you had with your ex-husband or boyfriend?

And then maybe started wondering…

I wonder if there’s a way we could get back together?

Sometimes we so easily recall all the good experiences from a previous a relationship, but all the challenges somehow get overlooked.

It used to be when I was still alone months after a relationship ended, going back to my former love seemed infinitely easier than trying to move forward with no one grand foreseeable in the future.

After I had dated a few other people who didn’t work out, I would start to longingly think back on my previous partner.

I’d remember all the things I loved about him and how much fun we had together.

In my selective memory, it was easy to romanticize how great I thought the relationship had been.

The problem was I would idealize my former partner in such a way that nobody new I started dating could possibly compete with the imaginary vision I had.   Of course the past I envisioned never really existed, except in my mind. 

After awhile, I would second guess my decision to leave the relationship and many times, end up reuniting with my previous partner.

I would go back taking on all the responsibility thinking if I just changed enough, things would be different this time.  But successful relationships require both partners accepting responsibility and being 100% committed to the relationship.  Because I was the only one committed to change, inevitably, the same problems would re-surface.

And again, the relationship would end.

Hindsight is only 20/20 if we choose to see the truth and not gloss over the facts.

Glossing over the facts about my previous relationship not only prevented me from moving forward, it didn’t allow me to learn and grow from the experience so I could create something new and different in my future.

It kept me securely stuck in the past.

Eventually, I had to take a long HONEST look at the way things actually were and see why the relationship had actually ended.

I started to use my time alone to get clarity… by discovering what didn’t work, it helped me find out what I REALLY wanted and needed so that it would work.

When I finally believed in my heart I could attract something better, I learned to see my previous relationships as stepping stones on the path to get me to where I wanted to be… with the right man for me.

If you’ve ever found yourself in the same boat of glamorizing the past, instead of staying focused on the future, try to imagine this…

You’ve set sail to the magical land of your soul mate, your ideal partner, the RIGHT MAN for you.

All the dates and relationships that haven’t quite worked out are just your first signs of land.  Your ship hasn’t landed yet, but those signs of land are worthy of celebration because it means you’re getting close to your final destination.

Love is always a journey worth taking.

I’ve discovered some of my biggest ah-ha’s not from what was working but from what wasn’t.  A lot of times we don’t know what things to ask for until we really know what we don’t want and what doesn’t work.

Fantasizing about someone in the past can be an easy retreat when there’s no one new and wonderful on the horizon, but it really just keeps us stuck.

There is a reason that the relationship ended.  Admit it.  Accept it.  And move on.

Honesty about the past is a really good thing.

It allows you to step into an even better, more wonderful future :-)  And you deserve the best and most wonderful future you can imagine… with the right man for you.

Until next time...

With love, light and blessings,
Dawn