Meet and Marry Mr. Right- Finally Find and Keep the Right Man For You Once and For All- Dawn Allen, Dating and Relationship Advice Expert for Women

Hate Dating? I did too. Here's What I Did...

Have you ever felt like if you had to go on one more dead-end date you were going to just sign off of men for good?  Because staying home alone was infinitely better than being disappointed again?

I used to feel exactly the same way.

I hated dating.

That dreaded “D” word used to evoke all kinds anxiety and insecurity for me.

I always felt awkward and unsure of myself on a date.

I had next-to-no confidence with men.

I didn’t know how to make small talk, nor did I feel particularly charming or funny.

I’m embarrassed to say there were times I actually stayed in relationships that were definitely not in my best interest just so I wouldn’t have to start dating again.

Dating just felt like a lot of work.  And I certainly did my best to avoid it at all costs.

If I met a guy I liked, I’d go from first date to exclusive relationship just because it was a convenient way to not have to date anyone else.

Of course, by having such a negative view about dating I wasn’t giving myself many options when it came to finding the right guy.

After too many years of going from one relationship to another, I knew something had to change.

I searched for answers to my dating dilemma.  Studied everything I could get my hands on about men, dating, love and attraction.

It seemed a stretch, but maybe I could change my pattern of dead-end relatinoship by learning how to date successfully.

Maybe if I did my ground work dating before jumping into a relationship, I might actually be able to FIND and KEEP the right man.

Instead of rushing through the dating process, maybe if I took my time getting to know someone and letting them get to know me, I might find out if a long-term relationship was even possible.

I started to use dating to learn more about myself, to learn more about what I really wanted and needed in a man. 

I learned quickly through lots of trial and error what worked and what didn’t.

Then something unexpected happened.

Not only did dating get easier, it actually got fun.

The more I learned how to date, the more comfortable and relaxed I felt.

My confidence grew.

I attracted a whole different quality of men… men who were successful, emotionally mature and who weren’t interested in playing games.

My entire outlook about dating changed. 

Before, because of my limited views about dating, I had limited my options with men.

But as I expanded my views about dating, I expanded my options with men.

I no longer felt like I had to settle for fear I wouldn’t find anyone else, because I knew there were other wonderful men ready to date.

If one date didn’t work out, I stopped taking it personally and moved on.

Learning to date successfully was the key to finding a great relationship, because I learned so much about myself… and men.

I had so many fun and interesting experiences dating different men… traveled to cities I never would have visited, saw music groups I had never heard before and ate at wonderful restaurants I never knew existed.

I used dating to practice my communication skills and refine my list of what I wanted in a partner.  Creating a list in your head is one thing.  Experiencing what works and what doesn’t first hand is even more powerful.

When I finally let go of my anxiety, expectations and agendas around dating, I opened myself to a whole new world of opportunities and experiences… and wonderful men as well.   You can too.

Dating really can be a fun, if you’re open to it.  It can also lead you straight to your Mr. Right.  And along the way you’ll have some really great experiences that will make the journey fun and the end result even more worthwhile.

If you’ve struggled with dating and dead-end relationships the way I did, do me a favor and reply to this email and let me know your biggest frustrations and challenges.  If you’ve got a specific question, include that too and I’ll answer it in an upcoming newsletter.

Until then,

With love, light and blessings,
Dawn

Here's How to Find a Man You Can Trust...

Have you ever been in a relationship where you were really getting close to a man, but for whatever reason you started to get scared?  And the more scared you got, the more you did things that messed up the relationship… like acting clingy or needy?

That used to be a recurring theme for me in my relationships…

I’d meet a great guy.  We’d start to get close.  But the more involved we got, the more I’d get this yucky nervous feeling inside me.

I’d wonder about whether or not I could trust him.  Start to think maybe things weren’t really progressing as I thought they were.

I’d feel more and more insecure.

Every time he didn’t call when I thought he should, it was another piece of evidence to prove to me he couldn’t be trusted.

And gradually I’d start to shut down my feelings, which then made me feel even more insecure.  And trust him even less.

My continued insecure behavior just pushed him further and further away.

And sure enough, what would happen?

The thing I most feared most, the relationship would end.

Guys can sense distrust and insecurity in women from a mile away, because we start putting out desperate, needy, clingy energy.  It feels icky to us and even ickier to them.

But why did I feel so insecure when in truth the guy hadn’t really done anything wrong?
 
Because what was really going on under the surface of my insecurity was a lack of trust towards men, which actually had nothing to do with the men in my life and EVERYTHING to do with ME.

Of course the fact that I felt so insecure made me attract men who just mirrored those feelings and exasperated the problem.

After a TON of work on myself, I finally realized it wasn’t just my lack of trust towards men that brought out my feelings of insecurity, it was that I didn’t trust myself.

Intimacy in a relationship can trigger all our fears of rejection, abandonment and loss.  It certainly did mine.

If deep down we have doubts about our self-worth, or we feel there are parts of ourselves that are unacceptable, we will fear being judged by our partner… the way we judge ourselves.  And then we will more than likely attract someone who will mirror those same thoughts about us.

Relationships are the greatest mirror in the world for what’s going on inside of us.

We can try and fool ourselves thinking it’s all about the other person, but our greatest barometer of what’s really going on inside is by what’s showing up on the outside.

When I started studying my own relationship patterns, the greatest challenge I had was learning to accept responsibility for what I was creating.

But it was also the only way I was ever going to change things.

Once I changed the inside, what I attracted and created on the outside changed too.

I had to learn how to trust myself and my feelings… to learn self-acceptance, which allowed my self-worth and self-esteem to grow.

But as I learned, a new confidence emerged.  I became much more comfortable letting myself be intimate and vulnerable with a man and sharing my feelings.

As I learned to trust myself, I learned to trust men.  And the men I attracted were trustworthy and appreciated my vulnerability.

I learned how to let go and stop trying to control everything so I could feel safe.  I learned how to stop second-guessing what was going on in the relationship and trying to project into the future.

The truth is that deep intimacy, trust and closeness require risk.  Love requires us to risk possible rejection and loss.

But self-acceptance, self-esteem and self-love give us the courage to take those risks.  And when we learn to trust ourselves, we make better choices about who to take those risks with.

We find men worthy of our trust and our love.  And we get to reap the rewards of having the wonderful, nourishing, intimate relationship with a man we’ve always wanted.

And which YOU so richly deserve.

Until next time,

With love, light and blessings,
Dawn

P.S.  If you’ve been in a relationship where you felt insecure, it can be scary to start looking at why you feel that way, but I’m here to help you every step of the way.  If you have questions, concerns or comments that you’re willing to share, just post it on my blog and I’ll answer them in my next post to support you in every way I can.

Waiting for Mr. Right? Don't Settle for Mr. Almost-Right

I heard a story the other day about how we get
what we think we deserve in life.  It reminded me
that we also get what we think we deserve in
relationships.  See if you agree…

Dogs love bones.  Right?

Yes.  But what dogs REALLY love is steak.

They settle for bones, because that’s usually all
they can get.

But if you throw out a bone AND a piece of steak,
they will go for the steak every time.

So why do they settle for bones instead of waiting
for steak?

Well, because they’re dogs and not in charge of
their lives.

But WE are not dogs.

Yet how many times do we settle for bones, instead
of waiting for steak?

When I was dating I always tried to stay very
open-minded.  I was willing to give any new guy a
chance if I was somewhat attracted to him.  That
was a good thing.

The problem was I wasn’t always willing to look
beyond the attraction and see that he didn’t
necessarily have the important qualities I was
looking for in a partner, like commitment or
emotional availability.

I would look for the best and the brightest in a
guy, ignore the things that weren’t working and
try to convince myself that I could live without
the qualities he didn’t have or that maybe things
would change down the line.

If the chemistry was great and I saw a glimmer of
potential in the relationship, I stayed. 

Truthfully, it was just easier to be content with
what I had than to venture into being alone again.
 And part of me thought, maybe this was the best I
could do.

I would squash any doubts or concerns thinking,
“Well, I can’t look for perfection… he’s got some
good qualities and we have so much chemistry
together that maybe if I just give it more time…”


I rationalized.  I made excuses. 

Ultimately the relationship would end.

Either I would leave because it became too
draining for me to keep pretending the
relationship was going somewhere when it really
wasn’t.  Or, the non-committal man I was seeing
would end it because I felt so insecure I’d become
increasingly needy and dependent.
 
Ah, the grief, the anguish I would have saved had
I just not been so willing to settle for bones.

But at the time, I wasn’t sure steak even
existed... or if it did, if I really deserved it.

Unfortunately, the Universe can only give us what
we feel we deserve.  It simply mirrors what we’re
feeling about ourselves.

When I finally cared enough about myself to honor
what I truly wanted and needed in a partner, AND
believed I deserved it, the Universe responded in
kind and magically brought me the right man.

But first I had to be willing to say NO to what I
knew in my heart wasn’t right for me, so I could
say YES to what was.

I had to stop settling for bones. 

If you’ve ever settled for bones, instead of
waiting for steak… here’s what to do.

Have clarity about what you want and what’s truly
important to you.  Don’t settle for less thinking
he’s better than no man at all.

This isn’t about looking for perfection.  It IS
about waiting for what is perfect for YOU.

There has to be a space in your life for your soul
mate to come in. 

Being in a mediocre relationship that doesn’t
fulfill you is just taking up that prime soul mate
space.

If you have settled in the past, then now’s the
time to change.

Look back on some of your previous relationships.
Why they ultimately came to an end?

Were there emotional highs and lows because you
were always guessing about his feelings for you?
Was there a lack of openness and honesty?  An
inability to communicate?  Perhaps you wanted a
long-term commitment but he didn’t?

The clues that these problems existed were
probably there in the beginning of the
relationship.

For me the warning signs were there, I just chose
not to see them.

You deserve the RIGHT man for you.  Be willing to
wait for him and not settle for less. 

He is out there.  He IS worth waiting for and so
are YOU.
 
YOU are worth it.

Please remember that.

Until next time,

With love, light and blessings,

Dawn

Do You Have Your Soul Mate BluePrint?

My daughter just got back from volleyball camp and her weeklong trip to Lake Shasta so we've been spending a lot of time catching up.  I'm happy that at 15 she still wants to occasionally spend time with her mother :-)  And we do have a good time together.

Hard to believe summer has flown by and she'll be starting school towards the end of this month.  Thankfully, she's eager to get back to school and I'm eager to get back to a regular schedule!

In the heat of August, we've done lots of reading and watching movies.  One movie I'm eager to see is "Eat, Pray, Love" because it's such an inspiring story of what can happen with love when we take the journey of self-discovery and awareness.

Knowing who you are and learning about what you want are critical to being able to attract your heart's desire... especially when it comes to love.

So as a continuation of last week's, "Soul Mate 100 List", this week we'll find out about how to build your "Soul Mate BluePrint".

Remember, the Universe really loves clarity and inspired action.  So get clarity with your list and build your blueprint with inspired action and let me know how you do... :-)

And until next time, please remember to love and value yourself and ALL your dreams and desires... because you are worth it.  As one of my most favorite quotes from "Eat Pray Love" says, "You don't need a man.  You need a champion."

Be your own champion first... and that's exactly what you'll attract in a man :-)

Do You Have Your Soul Mate BluePrint?

Have you made your list of 100 things you want in your soul mate... what I like to call your Soul Mate 100 List?

Great! Then you're ready for Step Two in the Sacred Secrets to Love Process. Because you're now probably wondering... how is this guy going to show up? What do I have to do to manifest him now that I know what I want? Will he find me if I just put out my intention to the Universe that I want to attract him?

Well, maybe.

And, maybe not.

Even though we attract everything in life with our thoughts, beliefs, feelings and intentions (and believe me, if THOSE aren't all lined up with what you want, ain't nothin' gonna happen), the Universe LOVES inspired action.

Inspired action lets the Universe KNOW you're serious about manifesting your desires and willing to do whatever it takes. In other words, you are committed to the process.

Now inspired action does not mean you have to go do a bunch of stuff that you hate. Quite the contrary. You may have to push past some fear and resistance to follow through on your inspired action, but you'll still feel the nudge that this is something you need to do, even if it feels a little scary.

But by taking action, even in small pieces, you are letting the Universe know you are READY, even if it means moving past your comfort zone.

So what do you have to do?

Sometimes it's about clearing the path to allow your soul mate in to your life.

Like making sure you are completely free of the past. Making sure you have totally let go of all negative feelings associated with previous relationships. Anger, guilt, remorse or resentment from the past will block the way towards attracting new love into your life.

If you don't clear those feelings first, believe me you'll carry the past right along with you into the future. Not a good starting point for your soul mate relationship.

But what if you're completely clear from the past and KNOW you've prepared the way? What else do you have to do?

Sometimes not anything at all, except live in that place of joyful expectation and anticipation knowing without a doubt that your soul mate IS going to show up in your life. If you truly believe and know that in your heart, it can happen without you're doing anything else.

But if you get an inner nudge or guidance to do something, you have to be willing to do it. Your willingness to take action is an indication to the Universe that you are clear and ready to do what is needed to attract the love of your life.

But the actions you take will feel inspired.

So how do you know what inspired action to take?

Here's what to do (and this is from one of my most favorite teachers, Abraham-Hicks):

1. Begin by getting into a really 'feeling good' kind of place. You can't manifest anything from a place of need, desperation, fear or anger (except to manifest more of the same). Your attracting abilities are at their highest when you're in a state of love and joy, so do whatever you need to do to get into a happy state of mind.

2. Now close your eyes (or look at your vision board if you have one) and visualize having your soul mate in your life. What will your life be like? Years ago when I first started dating my husband, every night before I went to sleep, I'd visualize us getting married on a beach in Hawaii. Just the two of us on a very secluded beach. A few years later that is EXACTLY what happened. Although we discussed having a big wedding with our friends and family, it ended up being just the two of us on a private beach in Hawaii with a minister. It wasn't until after we had been married for a few weeks that I realized I had visualized our exact wedding years before.

3. Hold this vision of you and your soul mate together. Really get into the feeling of what it's going to be like when you him and have this relationship you've been dreaming of. Visualize as many details as you possibly can and feel it as if it was happening right now.

4. If you can maintain these feelings of what it would be like to live your vision for at least 68 seconds, you will have put the manifestation process into effect. That's it. Just 68 seconds and you're off and running to your heart's desire. And the longer you can hold the feelings of experiencing this vision as if it were already here, the faster it will manifest for you.

5. Here's the key to inspired action... after doing your visualization, if you'll ask, "Is there some action I need to take to bring this into my reality?"... and then listen very clearly for the answer you'll know what, if anything, you need to do. But you have to be open to whatever the answer may be and willing to take action.

So that's it for your Soul Mate BluePrint Lesson. What will your inspired actions look like?

Attracting Your Soul Mate- Here's Step One...

I really love roses.  One of the great things about summer... even when it's blazing hot outside like it is this today, the roses are still blooming like crazy.

I try to always have a bouquet of roses in the house, whether they're from our yard or I'm fortunate enough to receive them from the man in my life.  For me, they are such a beautiful reminder of the celebration of love.

A big key in manifesting love in your life is that you first have to give yourself the love you deserve and desire, before you can attract it in a partner and relationship.

Our lives and relationships are just a mirror for what's going on inside of us.  So if you value yourself and your desires, your life and your relationships will reflect back to you everything you desire.

Unfortunately, the reverse is true as well.  If you're not valuing yourself and your desires, that will be reflected as well.  I've written extensively about the importance of loving and valuing yourself.

But it's also important to get really clear about what it is you want.

Having done more free sessions these past two weeks than I can count, one of the first things we talked about in most of the sessions was what each person really wanted in a partner and relationship.

Since I didn't have time to write an article this week, instead I have a fun little exercise for you to do that will help you take Step #1 in manifesting your soul mate... getting really, really clear about what you want.

There are two things the Universe really loves.  Clarity and inspired action.  This week we'll talk about clarity.  Next week inspired action.   See below to get started... :-)

The Soul Mate 100 List...

Okay, you've done lots of work on trying to manifest your soul mate.

But have you gotten clear about what you want?  I mean REALLY clear.

One thing I noticed when I was dating.  Even though I had made my list of the things I wanted in a partner, when I was really dating a lot, I got even clearer.  Partially because I was also discovering a lot about what I didn't want.  But that just made it easier to know what I DID want. :-)

So, although you may have made your list of what you want in a partner before, I'm going to ask you to do it again this week.

And here's what I want you to do differently...

I want you to make a list of 100 things you want in a partner and in your relationship.

Now 100 things may seem like a lot, but there are a number of things I think we often forget to include when we're making out list.

So answer these questions and I think it will help...

=>  First, describe your ideal partner.  What qualities would you like him to have... physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually?  What kind of behavior, values and morals would you like in a partner?

=>  Second, describer your ideal relationship with your partner.  What types of things would you like to do?  How would you like the relationship to be?  Do you want companionship?  A playmate?  A partner in life forever?  A father for your children?  Do you want to spend lots of time together?  Or are you content with less time but more quality time when you are together?

=>  Third, and perhaps most importantly, how do you want to feel in this relationship and with your partner?  How do you want to be?  Do you want to feel cherished, adored and treasured?  Is it important that you feel respected, appreciated and supported? 

Really take some time to think about how you want to feel in this relationship because it is our feelings that attract what we want more than anything else.

If you can get clear about what you want and then step into the feeling of what it would be like to have it, you'll attract it... as long as you really feel inside that you deserve it.

Ready to Find Your Soul Mate? Here's How to Take Inspired Action...

In my twenties, I was living a pretty great life in Los Angeles.  I had a job I loved that paid me well.  I lived in a beautiful apartment, had a nice car and was pretty much enjoying life as a single girl.

However, as I approached 27, I was feeling ready to settle down and get married.  I had dated a lot of different men, and it had really helped me figure out my likes and dislikes.  But even though I was very happy on my own, I was ready for a more serious relationship.

I knew what I wanted… a single, successful man who could make me laugh and was ready to get married.  My mother always said, ‘Marry someone who will make you laugh.  It makes life easier when you can laugh about things together.’

At the time, I was working for a large pension plan administration company.  Part of my job included calculating pension benefits due participants when a plan was terminated.

As I was working on one rather difficult and complicated pension plan, I noticed we had two different birth dates in our records for one participant.  Depending on which birth date I used, it made a substantial difference in his payout.

Normally I would have called the on-site administrator at the company for the correct information.  I tried never to have direct communication with the participants.  They inevitably ended up asking way too many questions about when they’d be getting their money and how much they’d be receiving.

But that day I decided to pick up the phone and call the participant directly.  I was eager to complete the final calculations and this one discrepancy was holding everything up.

I called the participant, Scott, around 8:30am that morning.  I assumed it was his work phone number we had in the file.  I didn’t realize it was his home number until he answered and it was obvious I had woke him up. 

I apologized for calling so early, explained who I was, why I was calling and could he please clarify his date of birth for me.

Scott answered very graciously even though I had dragged him out of bed.  I realized we had done his calculations with the incorrect birth date.  I told him his original amount was wrong, and I would have to recalculate his payout and call him back with the corrected figure.

A few hours later, I called with his new payout which was about $10,000 higher than his previous amount.

He jokingly said, “I think I love you.  Will you marry me?” 

A bouquet of flowers arrived that afternoon with a thank you note attached from him. 

It turned out, not only was Scott 36 and single, he was also talented, funny, smart and successful.  Being in the film industry, he had recently decided to stop dating flaky-Hollywood type girls because he was ready to settle down and get married.

We were married 8 months later.

He was the perfect man for me at that time in my life.  He was generous, treated me wonderfully and to this day, he still makes me laugh.

The beauty of inspired action is when you’re clear about what you want and not coming from a place of need or desperation, it feels natural, easy and effortless.

I had calculated pension benefits for hundreds of clients in that job, many of whom had discrepancies in their information that I needed to verify, but Scott was the only one I ever called directly.

Why?  It was inspired action.

I knew what I wanted, but I was also happy with my life the way it was, so I was unattached as to how and when what I wanted was going to show up.

My dear friend, Arielle Ford, says it’s when you have this really great life going on that your soul mate shows up when you least expect it.

On your journey to love, let go of any doubts, fears or limiting beliefs about what’s possible for you.  Be unattached to the how, when and where of your soul mate showing up.

Focus on getting that really great life going on for yourself. 

When you’re clear about what you want and ready for it to manifest, your only job is to listen carefully for those inspired actions… and then take them!  You’ll be amazed at the miracles that happen for you.

And you deserve them.

Finding Mr. Right Coaching Session

     Have you ever made goals and

intentions for yourself at the beginning

of the year only to realize half way

through the year you're no closer to

the goals and intentions you set than

you were 6 months earlier?

 

     Me too.  What made the difference

for me was having someone to keep me

on track towards my goals and to support

me when I started to falter in my belief

that my dreams were possible.

 

    Now that we're at the midpoint

of the year, I've decided to offer

a "Finding Mr. Right" FREE coaching

session to help you stay on track for

finding the love of your life.

 

     And I'm making it available to

EVERYONE... even those of you who have

had free sessions with me in the past!

    

     So, if you’d like to find Mr. Right

today and have that experience of your Prince

Charming...whatever that may be

for you – tall, dark and handsome,

powerful, attractive, sexy, whatever

kind of man you would really love

in your heart-of-hearts to have in

your life... and be able to enjoy

the kind of relationship that you’re

looking for, where you go out to

movies, go on vacations together,

go out to dinner with friends,

spend holidays together and wake up

next to each other on Sunday mornings…

 

     And be there to grow old together.

 

     Then, it all starts with finding the

right guy, finding your Mr. Right so you

can have the relationship you've always

dreamed about...

and I’d like to help you do that.

 

     For a limited time, you can join

me for a very special "Finding Mr. Right

Coaching Session" at ZERO COST.

 

     During this special one-on-one,

45-minute coaching session,

you'll discover…

 

=> The single, most important step

you can take towards attracting the

right man for the kind of relationship

you’d like to have

 

=> Three simple steps to help you

connect and relate to men

 

=> The number one secret to having men

understand you

 

=> The biggest secret that makes a man

ten times more likely to want a long-term

relationship with you

 

=> How to uncover any hidden challenges

that might be sabotaging your success

with men and dating

 

And... you’ll leave the session renewed,

re-energized and inspired to find and

keep a great man once and for all

 

     To claim your special "Finding Mr. Right

Coaching Session" today, simply email me

at dawn@inspiredheartcoaching.com

and answer these questions:

 

1. What are your biggest fears and

frustrations when it comes to dating

and men?

2. What do you see as your biggest

relationship challenge?

4. What would you most like help with

when it comes to men and dating?

 

     Be sure to include your name, phone

number and email address so someone

from my office can get back to you within

the next 24 to 48 hours to schedule your

one-on-one "Finding Mr. Right Coaching

Session."

 

     Email me today to claim your

session today.

 

Until next time...

 

With love, light and blessings,

 

Dawn

Love- What Does It Mean To You?

Not long ago, my boyfriend and I were

having a conversation about

our previous relationships.

 

Well, actually, to be more specific,

MY previous relationships since I have

... uh, a few in my past.  My boyfriend

was married for 19 years before his

divorce 9 years ago, so his list is a

tad bit shorter :-)

 

He asked what Love is to me now…

I couldn’t come up with an immediate

answer.  But after giving it some thought,

I came up with a few ideas.

 

So, in honor of Valentine’s Day,

here are some thoughts on Love,

and I'd love to hear yours as well.

 

Love means…

trust, acceptance, respect and appreciation,

those are the 4 biggies.

 

Love is…

the willingness to grow and be there for

someone, while also realizing that the goal

is not to ‘arrive’ somewhere in the future,

but to be fully present and appreciative

of where you are right now.

 

Love is…

an action and very often a choice.

And the goal is not to ‘fall in love,’ but to

‘grow in love,’ so you can become more of

who you are, not less.

 

Love…

should never make you feel like you are

‘less than’, but ‘more than’.  It should feel

expansive, not constrictive and restrictive.

 

Love is…

about looking for and seeing the best in

someone, even at times when they may

not be able to see it for themselves.

 

Love…

and fear can’t exist together, so I think love

is about letting go of fear and learning to trust.

 

And here’s the biggest thing I’ve learned about

Love…

you can only give Love to someone else,

when you’ve learned how to give it to yourself.

 

When you’ve learned to really trust, respect and

be honest with yourself, only then can you offer

those same things to someone else.

 

Only then can you make really wise choices

about the people you choose to be with in

your life, because those choices are based

in trust, respect and honesty with yourself,

and not based in fear.

 

I don’t know that earlier in my life,

I was completely conscious of the choices I made

about partners BEFORE I made them and why.

 

In part because I hadn’t taken the time to really

know myself and figure out what I wanted and why. 

 

So that’s my definition for Love.

 

And the best part is I realize that every single

experience I’ve had has allowed me to finally

learn all these things about myself, who I am

and what Love is to me.

 

Now that I can look back on every experience

I’ve had with love and appreciation for what it

taught me, I can look at the present and the future

with only love in my heart.

 

And ya know, that just really feels good.

 

I’d love to know what Love is to you…

 

My Valentine’s wish for you is that

whatever you do and whoever you’re with,

you treat yourself like the best Valentine

in the world… because you are.

 

And that’s what Love is really all about...

loving and appreciating who you are,

just as you are,

so you can share your wonderful self

with someone else.

 

With love, light and blessings,

 

Dawn

 

Relationship Fears- Now that my house has burned down...

 There’s wonderful Zen maxim that says, “Now that my house has burned down, I have a much better view of the sky.”

It made me laugh out loud the first time I read it.

Then I started to think about how well it described something that happened not long ago in my relationship with the man I’m involved with.

Our relationship was going along wonderfully.

Then something between us changed.

At the time, I couldn’t really put my finger on what it was.

But I started feeling insecure and fearful.

Looking back, I now see it was because I was becoming very attached to the outcome of our relationship and had some pretty clear expectations.

Even coaches make mistakes. :-)

And, of course, my greatest fear was realized shortly thereafter. 

The man I was involved with stopped calling.  Big surprise.

We attract what we think about and what we’re feeling, good or bad, right or wrong, that’s just the way it is.

Days ticked by and I had no idea what had happened other than it had felt awkward the last time we had seen each other.

I was confused.

Over the next couple of weeks, I did a lot of soul searching, letting go and finally came to a place of peace

about what felt like the end of our relationship.

I eventually sent him a very short email saying I hoped he was well and that perhaps the next time he was out he could drop off the dishes I had given him from the last time I made him dinner.

He emailed me back almost immediately saying not only did he want to deliver my dishes, but he really wanted to talk to me in person, if I was open to it.

I agreed, although I felt slightly nervous about seeing him again after basically no contact for 2 ½ weeks.

I decided to let go of any expectations and let him take the lead with everything.

He came over that same night and as soon I saw him, I completely relaxed, because he was clearly happy to see me.

He took me out for a drink, and we chatted about everything we’d been doing over the last couple of weeks.  Nothing serious.

After he brought me home, he asked if we could talk, because he really wanted to explain what had happened over the last couple of weeks.

For the next hour, he tried to put into words why he hadn’t called me.  He admitted he didn’t really understand why he hadn’t been in touch, because he really enjoyed being with me.

He said things just started to feel different.  He was right.

Our fears and expectations about the relationship were making us both feel uncomfortable and uneasy, we

just didn’t realize it at the time.

He said there was a part of him that felt like he needed to know all the answers about our future, and because he didn’t, he withdrew.

I told him not only did he not need to know all the answers, but that I was happy to just be with him now.

We both relaxed and by letting go of our expectations, we were able to communicate freely with each other.

He mentioned that before what we now refer to as The Break in our relationship, it felt like there was a

sense of urgency.  Very true.

All the unspoken expectations we had and projections about the future not only created a sense of urgency, but brought up all our fears and insecurities as well, mine especially.

But once ‘the house burned down,’ and all the fears were brought to light, we were able to release them so we could have a ‘better view of the sky’ and relax into just enjoying each other and our wonderful relationship now, instead of being so focused on what was or wasn’t going to happen in the future.

I have a new appreciation for him that wasn’t there before.

And even though, I’m more in love with him than I ever was, I’m no longer projecting into the future and trying to figure everything out.

And neither is he.

We are completely happy to be together and allow things to unfold, trusting that fate brought us back together for a reason.

He jokingly says I should advise all my clients to take a 2 ½ week break in their relationships so they can come back together with a renewed appreciation for each other. :-)

Hmmmm.  Maybe.

My wish for you is that your house won’t ever have to burn down in order for you to have a better view of the sky.

Release your fears.

Trust the Universe.

Enjoy the present.

And relax into well-being.

 

Until next time...

With love, light and blessings,

Dawn

Love- Healing Your Wounded Heart

"Healing Your Wounded Heart with Love"

 I have a confession.  If you haven't read my bio on my website or blog, you may not know I've been engaged twice and married twice, all to different men.  In addition, my daughter and I were both molested by my former stepfather.

Healing from heartbreak is something I know how to do really, really well. 

I've learned that once you know how to heal your heart, the process is the same, regardless of the circumstances.

Marianne Williamson said, "It is not the love we did not receive in the past that hurts us.  What hurts us is the love we are not extending in the present."

The place to extend that love when you've been heartbroken is to yourself.  It took me a long time to learn how to do this.  My initial way of coping was to distract myself and to bury my feelings.  From the time I was 16 and my stepfather came into my life, I had an eating disorder for the next ten years that did a really good job of distracting me from the pain I was feeling.

When we've been heartbroken, one of the things that prevents our healing is resisting what we're feeling.  In my case, having an eating disorder was a way for me to resist dealing with my painful feelings.

If I had known then, what I know now, and had someone to walk me through the process of healing, I would have saved myself years of anguish. 

It took me a long time to learn how to embrace and accept what I was feeling, no matter how unpleasant.  But once I did, it finally allowed me to gradually move through my feelings and eventually release them.  It didn't happen overnight.

Grieving and healing from heartbreak is a process, but it doesn't have to take years, as it initially did in my case.  If you know the steps, you can recover much more quickly and come out of the process an even stronger and more loving person than you were before.

The first step is to bring yourself to the present moment and allow yourself to feel whatever it is you're feeling.  John Gray wrote a wonderful book called, "What You Feel, You Can Heal."  Feeling is the first step in healing.

Allow all your feelings to come to the surface.  Breathe through them.  If tears come as well, then let them come.  Tears are very cleansing to the soul and they put us in touch with our hearts.  Getting in touch with our hearts is a big part of the healing process, so tears should be welcomed.

The next step is to express your feelings.  Expressing your feelings is critical to your healing.  You need to have a space to release whatever is going on inside of you, without having to be kind, spiritual, or worry about what someone else is going to think of you.

Through the years, my saving grace was expressing my feelings in my journal.  Having the outlet of my journal as a safe place to express all my emotions literally saved my life at times.

Now I have the benefit of a coach as an additional haven for me to express my feelings.  Only recently have I realized how powerful it is to have another person acknowledge and witness my feelings and intentions.  Having that supportive relationship in my life made transitioning through my last divorce, a thousand times easier than my first one twenty years ago.

It is essential to have a way to express all your feelings, whether that's in a journal or by talking to a friend, therapist, or coach.  Until those unexpressed, painful feelings are released, you'll stay stuck.

My grandmother passed away when I was eleven.  It took me ten years to complete the grieving process.  I bottled my sadness up inside me and pretended everything was fine.  It wasn't until I took two dozen sleeping pills on my 17^th birthday as a loud cry for help that I finally broke down.  I started expressing my grief, releasing what had been pent up inside me for years, and at last began to heal.

As you become present and start expressing all the feelings inside you, extend all the love you have to give, towards yourself.  That is where all your healing begins... with a heart full of love for yourself.

"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire Universe, deserve your love and affection." - Buddha