Meet and Marry Mr. Right- Finally Find and Keep the Right Man For You Once and For All- Dawn Allen, Dating and Relationship Advice Expert for Women

Resentment- Where Is It Keeping You Stuck In Your Life?

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After my divorce, the biggest hurdle I had to overcome was the lingering resentment I felt towards my ex-husband. It kept me glued to the past. It ate away at my self-esteem and chained me to seeing myself as a victim.

The definition of resentment is “Indignation, or ill will, felt as a result of a real, or imagined, grievance.”

Whether my indignation and ill will were real, or imagined was irrelevant. As long as I hung on to my resentment, I gave away my power to change anything in my life.

The blame I directed at my ex-husband was a convenient way f or me to sidestep accepting responsibility for how I had contributed to the problems in our relationship.

My resentment was insidious in the way it showed up in my life. I ended one relationship after another. Nobody seemed good enough, because my resentment clouded my vision and prevented me from seeing any new relationship clearly. The dark, angry void inside of me was not something anyone else could fill.

Maybe I had a legitimate right to feel wronged and mistreated. But, I know my ex-husband would have said the same thing about me. One thing I know for sure, we are never alon e in a relationship. Who we are on the inside is what shows up on the outside.

If I blamed my ex-husband for betraying me and treating me poorly, I had to ask, where had I betrayed him and treated him poorly? Where had I betrayed myself by ignoring my feelings and dismissing my intuition when it told me things weren’t right?

The truth allowed me to reclaim my authenticity and sense of self. When I saw my own pattern of dysfunction, and took responsibility for my part in creating the past, I was empowered to create something different for myself. 

The pain and disappointment I experienced as a result of my marriage ending was the biggest catalyst for personal growth I’ve ever had. In my deep search for meaning and healing, it propelled me to look at parts of myself, and my behavior I had never seen before.

When I was able to see myself through the eyes of my ex-husband, I saw a more honest portrayal of who I was. Not good, not bad, just what was.
Virginia Satir said, “Life is not the way it’s supposed to be, it’s the way it is. The way you cope with it, is what makes the difference.”

In coping with what was, and who I was, I found the strength to change, and to make new choices. I also found the love, gratitude, and appreciation for my ex-husband and our marriage that had been buried under years of resentment. It was the best gift I could ever find. It allowed me to move on. I put the past behind me once and for all, and found the love and inspiration for my life I’d been looking for all along.

If you’re feeling resentment towards someone who hurt you, ‘un-stick’ yourself from the past, so you can be free to start creating a life you love.

Your Assignment: Find the source of your frustration, anger or resentment. What was it this person did that you still can’t forgive? What incident or experience can you not let go of? Now the difficult part… ask yourself, how did you contribute to creating this experience? Where did you not honor yourself and your own feelings? Were there red flags that you chose not to see?

Your answers will help you reclaim your power to see the past from a different perspective, and allow you to start the process of healing and forgiveness.

Healing Your Wounded Heart with Love

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I have a confession.  If you haven't read my bio on my website or blog, you may not know I've been engaged twice and married twice, all to different men.  In addition, my daughter and I were both molested by my former stepfather.

Healing from heartbreak is something I know how to do really, really well. 

I've learned that once you know how to heal your heart, the process is the same, regardless of the circumstances.

Marianne Williamson said, "It is not the love we did not receive in the past that hurts us.  What hurts us is the love we are not extending in the present."

The place to extend that love when you've been heartbroken is to yourself.  It took me a long time to learn how to do this.  My initial way of coping was to distract myself and try to bury my feelings.  From the time I was 16 and my stepfather came into my life, I had an eating disorder for the next ten years that did a really good job of distracting me from the pain I was feeling.

When we've been heartbroken, one of the things that prevents our healing is resisting what we're feeling.  In my case, having an eating disorder was a way for me to resist dealing with my painful feelings.

If I had known then, what I know now, and had someone to walk me through the process of healing, I would have saved myself years of anguish.

It took me a long time to learn how to embrace and accept what I was feeling, no matter how unpleasant.  But once I did, it finally allowed me to gradually move through my feelings and eventually release them.  It didn’t happen overnight.

Grieving and healing from heartbreak is a process, but it doesn’t have to take years, as it initially did in my case.  If you know the steps, you can recover much more quickly and come out of the process an even stronger and more loving person than you were before.

The first step is to bring yourself to the present moment and allow yourself to feel whatever it is you’re feeling.  John Gray wrote a wonderful book called, “What You Feel, You Can Heal.”  Feeling is the first step in healing.

Allow all your feelings to come to the surface.  Breathe through them.  If tears come as well, then let them come.  Tears are very cleansing to the soul and they put us in touch with our hearts.  Getting in touch with our hearts is a big part of the healing process, so tears should be welcomed.

The next step is to express your feelings.  Expressing your feelings is critical to your healing.  You need to have a space to release whatever is going on inside of you, without having to be kind, spiritual, or worry about what someone else is going to think of you.

Through the years, my saving grace was expressing my feelings in my journal.  Having the outlet of my journal as a safe place to express all my emotions literally saved my life at times.

Now I have the benefit of a coach as an additional haven for me to express my feelings.  Only recently have I realized how powerful it is to have another person acknowledge and witness my feelings and intentions.  Having that supportive relationship in my life made transitioning through my last divorce, a thousand times easier than my first one twenty years ago.

It is essential to have a way to express all your feelings, whether that’s in a journal or by talking to a friend, therapist, or coach.  Until those unexpressed, painful feelings are released, you’ll stay stuck.

My grandmother passed away when I was eleven.  It took me ten years to complete the grieving process.  I bottled my sadness up inside me and pretended everything was fine.  It wasn’t until I took two dozen sleeping pills on my 17th birthday as a loud cry for help that I finally broke down.  I started expressing my grief, releasing what had been pent up inside me for years, and at last began to heal.

As you become present and start expressing all the feelings inside you, extend all the love you have to give, towards yourself.  That is where all your healing begins… with a heart full of love for yourself.

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” - Buddha

Does Your Life Need Spring Cleaning?

I love Spring.  Spring is a season of new beginnings.  It's time to put away the heavy coats and sweaters, clean out the closets, and give away things that no longer fit or that we've outgrown.

When I got divorced last year and started dating, one of the first things I did was clean out my closet.  I felt like I was starting a-new, not just emotionally, but even with the clothes I wore.  It felt good to give away so many things I had accumulated during my marriage that no longer served the 'new' me.  The 'new' me that was single, happy, free, and ready to be out and about dating.

Spring is an inviting time to look at anything and everything that is unnecessary in our lives.  What have we accumulated, in addition to old clothes, that may not be serving us any longer?

Sometimes we outgrow certain people and relationships in our lives, but we hang on to them out of fear that we may not find anything better.  Sometimes we're still hanging on to painful emotions from the past, because we haven't completely forgiven those involved.

But when we can move past fear, and release what is not in our highest and best interest, we make the space for the Universe to bring us something new and better.

Letting go allows the light to shine in the places that were dark and murky before, clouded by our fears.  It brings clarity and new understanding of what's possible for us.  Change not only then seems possible, but we can invite it with an open heart, because fear is gone.

What behaviors, emotions, or relationships are you hanging on to that are preventing you from stepping into the life you were meant to live?  A life that is filled with love, joy, and prosperity... instead of fear, pain and struggle.  

Don't wait any longer.  Spring is here.  New beginnings can happen the very moment you let go... and make space for the miracles to come bounding in.

Let's get some miracles going on this spring.

 

Healing the Past with the Power of Love and the Law of Attraction

I remember quite some time ago reading in one of Wayne Dyer's books, the story of how he had visited his father's grave after years of struggling with the fact that his father had deserted his mother and left her with 3 boys and no means of support. Wayne talks about how not only was he able to forgive his father, but also find gratitude for what his father had taught him.

I was quite moved by the story and inspired by Wayne's ability to be grateful to a man who had brought nothing but pain and grief into his life.

Fast forward a number of years to the past few weeks...

I have been doing a great deal of work on my personal relationships with the law of attraction, both current and those in the past.

Knowing how important it is to not only find forgiveness for those that have "harmed" us, but also take the next step in finding gratitude and appreciation for what they brought to our lives, has taken me on quite an emotional journey.

But, I was determined to clean up any past negative energy from old, hurtful relationships because I want all areas of my life to be completely aligned with what I want, which is harmony, peace, and joyful abundance!

I know it's impossible to create that if you're still hanging on to any old resentments, or negative feelings towards someone or something from the past.

So onward I pushed... to the one person and relationship I've struggled with for the past 32 years... the man my mother was married to for almost 30 years, my former stepfather.

When he and my mother first got together when I was 16, he started making sexual advances towards me, a behavior I tolerated for almost the entire 30 years they were together.

Until he did the same thing to my then 9 year old daughter, and when she finally told me about what he'd been doing to her a year later, I gave my mother a choice... continuing to see her only grandchild, or her abusive husband. She got divorced.

Now I have done a LOT of forgiveness work around my stepfather and have for years, and I had really come to a place of peace and understanding about his behavior and his actions, both towards my daughter and me. Of course, it helped that my daughter is doing just fine after a year or so of therapy, and is a happy, thriving girl.

However, I had never actually moved into a place of being able to find appreciation and gratitude for my stepfather until recently when I really started applying the law of attraction to that part of my life.

After weeks of journaling and meditation, I finally came to that space of realizing that I would not be on the path I am on today without that experience with my stepfather, coupled with the many things he did throughout the years that actually were helpful (i.e., he taught me a career in administration, helped me with a down payment on a house, etc.).

I found a place of gratitude and appreciation for ALL of what he had brought to my life.

I wanted to send an email to my stepfather telling him how I felt, but for some reason I kept putting it off because it just didn't feel like the right time (Law of Attraction Rule: Always follow your Inner Guidance!).

A few weeks later, my mother told me she was expecting my stepfather to come through town (they still had occasional contact) and that he was going to stop by her house. I told her my daughter and I would make ourselves scarce that day to make sure we didn't run into him.

For whatever reason, he never showed up at my mom's house on the day he was supposed to so my mom just figured either he chose not to stop or something else came up.

Two days later, I stopped at my mom's house to drop off my dog before I went to an appointment. I knew my mom was volunteering at the hospital, but her dog and my dog like to keep each other company when we're both away from home.

I drove up to her house and I saw a strange car parked in her driveway and someone standing in her garage. As I parked and got out of the car, I realized it was my stepfather.

After my initial "Oh my gosh" moment of seeing him for the first time since I found out about what he'd done to my daughter over 3 years ago, I realized I had nothing to be afraid of anymore. I walked up to him, said hello, and gave him a hug as if he'd never done anything wrong.

It was over. In that moment, I let go of 32 years of fear that I'd had towards this man. The law of attraction brought us together knowing how much more powerful this act of forgiveness would be for me to do in person, rather than by email.

In that moment, I realized he had come into my life to bring me to where I am today, and the same for my daughter, who is now beautiful, strong, and knows how to speak her mind... thank heavens!

I felt only gratitude... and love.

And life changed forever because the past was now over.

Dawn Allen

Certified Law of Attraction Coach & Practitioner

Spiritual & Metaphysical Counselor and Teacher

Healing the Past with the Power of Love and the Law of Attraction

I remember quite some time ago reading in one of Wayne Dyer's books, the story of how he had visited his father's grave after years of struggling with the fact that his father had deserted his mother and left her with 3 boys and no means of support. Wayne talks about how not only was he able to forgive his father, but also find gratitude for what his father had taught him.

I was quite moved by the story and inspired by Wayne's ability to be grateful to a man who had brought nothing but pain and grief into his life.

Fast forward a number of years to the past few weeks...

I have been doing a great deal of work on my personal relationships with the law of attraction, both current and those in the past.

Knowing how important it is to not only find forgiveness for those that have "harmed" us, but also take the next step in finding gratitude and appreciation for what they brought to our lives, has taken me on quite an emotional journey.

But, I was determined to clean up any past negative energy from old, hurtful relationships because I want all areas of my life to be completely aligned with what I want, which is harmony, peace, and joyful abundance!

I know it's impossible to create that if you're still hanging on to any old resentments, or negative feelings towards someone or something from the past.

So onward I pushed... to the one person and relationship I've struggled with for the past 32 years... the man my mother was married to for almost 30 years, my former stepfather.

When he and my mother first got together when I was 16, he started making sexual advances towards me, a behavior I tolerated for almost the entire 30 years they were together.

Until he did the same thing to my then 9 year old daughter, and when she finally told me about what he'd been doing to her a year later, I gave my mother a choice... continuing to see her only grandchild, or her abusive husband. She got divorced.

Now I have done a LOT of forgiveness work around my stepfather and have for years, and I had really come to a place of peace and understanding about his behavior and his actions, both towards my daughter and me. Of course, it helped that my daughter is doing just fine after a year or so of therapy, and is a happy, thriving girl.

However, I had never actually moved into a place of being able to find appreciation and gratitude for my stepfather until recently when I really started applying the law of attraction to that part of my life.

After weeks of journaling and meditation, I finally came to that space of realizing that I would not be on the path I am on today without that experience with my stepfather, coupled with the many things he did throughout the years that actually were helpful (i.e., he taught me a career in administration, helped me with a down payment on a house, etc.).

I found a place of gratitude and appreciation for ALL of what he had brought to my life.

I wanted to send an email to my stepfather telling him how I felt, but for some reason I kept putting it off because it just didn't feel like the right time (Law of Attraction Rule: Always follow your Inner Guidance!).

A few weeks later, my mother told me she was expecting my stepfather to come through town (they still had occasional contact) and that he was going to stop by her house. I told her my daughter and I would make ourselves scarce that day to make sure we didn't run into him.

For whatever reason, he never showed up at my mom's house on the day he was supposed to so my mom just figured either he chose not to stop or something else came up.

Two days later, I stopped at my mom's house to drop off my dog before I went to an appointment. I knew my mom was volunteering at the hospital, but her dog and my dog like to keep each other company when we're both away from home.

I drove up to her house and I saw a strange car parked in her driveway and someone standing in her garage. As I parked and got out of the car, I realized it was my stepfather.

After my initial "Oh my gosh" moment of seeing him for the first time since I found out about what he'd done to my daughter over 3 years ago, I realized I had nothing to be afraid of anymore. I walked up to him, said hello, and gave him a hug as if he'd never done anything wrong.

It was over. In that moment, I let go of 32 years of fear that I'd had towards this man. The law of attraction brought us together knowing how much more powerful this act of forgiveness would be for me to do in person, rather than by email.

In that moment, I realized he had come into my life to bring me to where I am today, and the same for my daughter, who is now beautiful, strong, and knows how to speak her mind... thank heavens!

I felt only gratitude... and love.

And life changed forever because the past was now over.

Dawn Allen

Certified Law of Attraction Coach & Practitioner

Spiritual & Metaphysical Counselor and Teacher