Meet and Marry Mr. Right- Finally Find and Keep the Right Man For You Once and For All- Dawn Allen, Dating and Relationship Advice Expert for Women

Attracting Your Soul Mate- Here's Step One...

I really love roses.  One of the great things about summer... even when it's blazing hot outside like it is this today, the roses are still blooming like crazy.

I try to always have a bouquet of roses in the house, whether they're from our yard or I'm fortunate enough to receive them from the man in my life.  For me, they are such a beautiful reminder of the celebration of love.

A big key in manifesting love in your life is that you first have to give yourself the love you deserve and desire, before you can attract it in a partner and relationship.

Our lives and relationships are just a mirror for what's going on inside of us.  So if you value yourself and your desires, your life and your relationships will reflect back to you everything you desire.

Unfortunately, the reverse is true as well.  If you're not valuing yourself and your desires, that will be reflected as well.  I've written extensively about the importance of loving and valuing yourself.

But it's also important to get really clear about what it is you want.

Having done more free sessions these past two weeks than I can count, one of the first things we talked about in most of the sessions was what each person really wanted in a partner and relationship.

Since I didn't have time to write an article this week, instead I have a fun little exercise for you to do that will help you take Step #1 in manifesting your soul mate... getting really, really clear about what you want.

There are two things the Universe really loves.  Clarity and inspired action.  This week we'll talk about clarity.  Next week inspired action.   See below to get started... :-)

The Soul Mate 100 List...

Okay, you've done lots of work on trying to manifest your soul mate.

But have you gotten clear about what you want?  I mean REALLY clear.

One thing I noticed when I was dating.  Even though I had made my list of the things I wanted in a partner, when I was really dating a lot, I got even clearer.  Partially because I was also discovering a lot about what I didn't want.  But that just made it easier to know what I DID want. :-)

So, although you may have made your list of what you want in a partner before, I'm going to ask you to do it again this week.

And here's what I want you to do differently...

I want you to make a list of 100 things you want in a partner and in your relationship.

Now 100 things may seem like a lot, but there are a number of things I think we often forget to include when we're making out list.

So answer these questions and I think it will help...

=>  First, describe your ideal partner.  What qualities would you like him to have... physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually?  What kind of behavior, values and morals would you like in a partner?

=>  Second, describer your ideal relationship with your partner.  What types of things would you like to do?  How would you like the relationship to be?  Do you want companionship?  A playmate?  A partner in life forever?  A father for your children?  Do you want to spend lots of time together?  Or are you content with less time but more quality time when you are together?

=>  Third, and perhaps most importantly, how do you want to feel in this relationship and with your partner?  How do you want to be?  Do you want to feel cherished, adored and treasured?  Is it important that you feel respected, appreciated and supported? 

Really take some time to think about how you want to feel in this relationship because it is our feelings that attract what we want more than anything else.

If you can get clear about what you want and then step into the feeling of what it would be like to have it, you'll attract it... as long as you really feel inside that you deserve it.

Ready to Find Your Soul Mate? Here's How to Take Inspired Action...

In my twenties, I was living a pretty great life in Los Angeles.  I had a job I loved that paid me well.  I lived in a beautiful apartment, had a nice car and was pretty much enjoying life as a single girl.

However, as I approached 27, I was feeling ready to settle down and get married.  I had dated a lot of different men, and it had really helped me figure out my likes and dislikes.  But even though I was very happy on my own, I was ready for a more serious relationship.

I knew what I wanted… a single, successful man who could make me laugh and was ready to get married.  My mother always said, ‘Marry someone who will make you laugh.  It makes life easier when you can laugh about things together.’

At the time, I was working for a large pension plan administration company.  Part of my job included calculating pension benefits due participants when a plan was terminated.

As I was working on one rather difficult and complicated pension plan, I noticed we had two different birth dates in our records for one participant.  Depending on which birth date I used, it made a substantial difference in his payout.

Normally I would have called the on-site administrator at the company for the correct information.  I tried never to have direct communication with the participants.  They inevitably ended up asking way too many questions about when they’d be getting their money and how much they’d be receiving.

But that day I decided to pick up the phone and call the participant directly.  I was eager to complete the final calculations and this one discrepancy was holding everything up.

I called the participant, Scott, around 8:30am that morning.  I assumed it was his work phone number we had in the file.  I didn’t realize it was his home number until he answered and it was obvious I had woke him up. 

I apologized for calling so early, explained who I was, why I was calling and could he please clarify his date of birth for me.

Scott answered very graciously even though I had dragged him out of bed.  I realized we had done his calculations with the incorrect birth date.  I told him his original amount was wrong, and I would have to recalculate his payout and call him back with the corrected figure.

A few hours later, I called with his new payout which was about $10,000 higher than his previous amount.

He jokingly said, “I think I love you.  Will you marry me?” 

A bouquet of flowers arrived that afternoon with a thank you note attached from him. 

It turned out, not only was Scott 36 and single, he was also talented, funny, smart and successful.  Being in the film industry, he had recently decided to stop dating flaky-Hollywood type girls because he was ready to settle down and get married.

We were married 8 months later.

He was the perfect man for me at that time in my life.  He was generous, treated me wonderfully and to this day, he still makes me laugh.

The beauty of inspired action is when you’re clear about what you want and not coming from a place of need or desperation, it feels natural, easy and effortless.

I had calculated pension benefits for hundreds of clients in that job, many of whom had discrepancies in their information that I needed to verify, but Scott was the only one I ever called directly.

Why?  It was inspired action.

I knew what I wanted, but I was also happy with my life the way it was, so I was unattached as to how and when what I wanted was going to show up.

My dear friend, Arielle Ford, says it’s when you have this really great life going on that your soul mate shows up when you least expect it.

On your journey to love, let go of any doubts, fears or limiting beliefs about what’s possible for you.  Be unattached to the how, when and where of your soul mate showing up.

Focus on getting that really great life going on for yourself. 

When you’re clear about what you want and ready for it to manifest, your only job is to listen carefully for those inspired actions… and then take them!  You’ll be amazed at the miracles that happen for you.

And you deserve them.

Boundaries- They Help You Take a Stand for Your Life & Here's How...

Wow, I had such a great weekend away, but the only problem with going away sometimes?

It’s non-stop action when you get home!  Especially with a 15-year-old-hanging-out-at-home-because-I-can’t-get-a-job-or-drive-yet around.  My lovely structured schedule of work has somehow flown out the window.  Time to put some boundaries back in place :-)

An interesting happens when we start to honor ourselves and put healthy boundaries in place in our relationships.  Sometimes (very often, actually), all hell breaks loose initially from the loud screams of our loved ones, friends or anyone else who is trying to suck our energy away.  This is exactly what happened to me recently (see article below :-).

But something else happens after the initial shock subsides and we prove to the Universe that we really are committed to honoring our time, energy and feelings… magical things start to unfold.

So, in honor of the magical things that have started to happen to me as a result of learning how to create space for myself (my version of ‘boundaries’ since it feels less constricting), I am restructuring my business.

Some of you have mentioned that you would like to work with me privately, but either can’t afford a monthly coaching program or simply aren’t ready to make that kind of financial commitment.

In response, I am now offering individual, 45-minute coaching sessions and the investment for you is just $97.

I’m really excited about this new offering, because it gives me an opportunity to work with more of you more often.  I’ll also have additional time to spend creating books, products and other programs that will support you even more, which I’m eager to do.

If you’re interested in scheduling an individual private session with me, just email dawn@inspiredheartcoaching.com.

And please make sure you read my article today… learning how to honor and value ourselves is paramount not just in attracting the right partner, but in sustaining a magical relationship as well.

But it starts with YOU loving yourself first.

Here’s to a magical and self-honoring week ahead for you…

************************************************

“BOUNDARIES!” Nadia screamed at me in her heavy Eastern European accent.  “You have GOT to learn how to have boundaries or you will never achieve the kind of success you are meant to have in this world.  You have GOT to learn how to say NO in a healthy way, especially to those closest to you and those who are trying to take advantage of your time and energy…”

Okay, Nadia, I get it.  I’ve got to have boundaries.

Nadia is one of the most brilliant people I have ever had the pleasure of working with.

Who is she?

Nadia Tumas is an incredibly gifted and talented hand analyst and life purpose coach.  She recently did a hand analysis for me and helped me discover some pretty amazing things about myself and my life.

Nadia, however, does not mince words.  She cautioned me at the beginning of our session that she ‘tells it like she sees it’ so to speak (according to our hands) and does not hold back from saying the truth that we may not like, but that we need to hear.

I took a deep breath and told her to go for it.  I was ready to hear everything she had to say.

As Nadia proceeded to describe in detail all the positive and not-so-positive aspects of my personality (all of which were unbelievably accurate), she also explained what I needed to do in order to really fulfill my life purpose and potential, which according to her was that of being a successful leading mentor in the spotlight with a message of love for the world.

“Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries,” she kept saying repeatedly.  “Learn to have boundaries or else…”

Okay, so boundaries and saying no to people have never been my strong suit.

It’s much easier for me to say yes and give in to other people’s requests.

The problem with that, of course, is that I end up sacrificing huge amounts of time and energy to things and people that aren’t necessarily supporting my life goals.

It’s not their fault.  They’re just asking.  And people should always feel free to ask.  Or at least I want them to always feel free to ask.
But I should also feel free to say no… and I don’t always feel that way.

There’s a part of me deep down that struggles with saying no to people out of fear of rejection.

And not feeling good enough or worthy enough to put a priority on myself, my feelings and my time.

This has shown up for me time and time again in my life... in my work, in my relationships, in everything.

But in my desire to serve others, I was getting left out.  My needs and desires were getting pushed to the side over and over and over again.

And how can we ever truly serve others if we’re not first serving ourselves?

Eventually we just run out of steam.  Our energy runs dry.

Nadia pointed out to me that my hands were screaming out for help.  My over-giving and self-sacrifice in some of my relationships was leaving me with nothing left to support myself.

How could I move forward in life if I had no energy left for my goals and dreams?

The well was about to run dry.

I looked up at the Mission Statement I had written for my life the year I started coaching five years ago…

I am here to teach love & that we might all know we are loved. 
The path of Spirit is right where we are & our connection to Spirit is there all the time.
Walk down your path & know that you are loved & perfect the way you are.
The answer to everything on this path is love.

But was I really loving myself?

Was I honoring my own Path?

Not so much.

So that day, on the phone with Nadia, I made the commitment that I would start creating space for myself and having healthy boundaries in place in all my relationships.

Honest to goodness no sooner did I get off the phone with Nadia and the first person to call me was my ex-husband, who I’ve had continuing boundary issues with during our entire relationship, but particularly so since we got divorced.

I’m thinking to myself as I’m listening to him… You have GOT to be kidding me?  Really?  Really?   Must I be tested on my commitment to this already?!!!

Can’t I even get a little break or semi-hiatus out of acknowledgment for having made this commitment?

No, I guess not.  Because the first thing my dear ex-husband did was launch into a rendition of “I want you to do this for me…”  And it happened to be something I had already said No to in the past and which he continued to try and guilt me into doing.

And normally, I would have given in… just to done with it.  Even though it wasn’t what I wanted to do.

But Nadia’s voice kept nagging at me in the back of my head… boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.

So… tuh-dah!  I said No for the first time.  I had to say it about 5 different times, 5 different ways and then again in about 4 different emails.  But I stuck to it and kept saying it from a place of love, not anger.

Because when I thought about it, it wasn’t his fault.  I had never shown him anything different other than being someone who would give in… generally out of fear of rejection or anger.

And this No was coming from a place of love for myself… and therefore a place of love for him too.

I just needed to show him a different interaction in our relationship.  One where I was now going to honor my feelings and say no to requests that didn’t feel right.

It took awhile, but he finally got it.  Amazingly, the final communication between us ended from a very loving place for both of us.  That was a first.  And believe me, it did feel like magic.

I hate to say it, but retraining the people in our lives that we want/need/expect to be treated differently, is a lot like retraining dogs.

We don’t have to get mad at a dog for not understanding our new requests.  We just have to be consistent and persistent in what we’re teaching them to do and how we’re training them to treat us.

And we do teach the people in our lives how to treat us.  That is our responsibility, not theirs.

We have to take a stand for ourselves.  But first we have to love ourselves enough to take that stand.

Love yourself enough to take a stand for your life… with everyone in your life.

3 Clues to Creating Magic in Your Life

Have you ever had one of those weeks where everything just felt magical?

I had one of those last week. You can read more about it in my article below and what I learned about how to consciously create magic in your life instead of just waiting for it to happen accidentally like I did :-)

I am honored, greatly honored, to now be featured on Arielle Ford's website, SoulMateSecret.com, as a referral coach. I am thrilled beyond belief to have this amazing opportunity and the way it literally dropped into my lap is what inspired my article.

I am proudly offering Arielle's Soul Mate Kit and I received Arielle's permission and support to create a new coaching program around the Soul Mate Kit. I couldn't be more excited!

I'm off today to enjoy some glorious spring weather we're having here in Southern Oregon after weeks of cold and rain... the sun is out and the flowers are blooming.

A very dear and wonderful client from Denmark (Thank you, Tine!) sent me this beautiful photograph as a 'thank you' after a coaching session we had this week.
It reminded me of all the magic that exists in our world that can be so easy to overlook sometimes when I get too busy to stop and appreciate it.

My wish for you this week is that you'll remember to look for all the magic that exists in your beautiful world.

And my every day be filled with an abundance of all the love you so deserve.

Feature Article

"3 Clues to Creating Magic in Your Life"

 

I admit it, I have been working like crazy lately.

Since I really love what I do, that's not hard to do. But I have felt like I have been needing to get away for months and just haven't taken the time.

So when the wonderful friend invited me away for the weekend, I took advantage of it. I completely disengaged, relaxed in a beautiful hotel and enjoyed a fabulous weekend for three lovely days.

I got home feeling completely reenergized.

Creating Magic Clue #1: Taking breaks and getting away can have a profoundly positive effect on your energy!

The week after I got home, I had agreed to an interview with Renee Heimerman for her A Bundle of Joy Teleseminar, but I had inadvertently scheduled it for the wrong day on my calendar. I was completely surprised when the email reminder arrived an hour before the teleclass was scheduled to start!

Thankfully I was able to rearrange my schedule and it ended up being one of the best interviews I've done for a long time (you can listen in if you like by clicking here). I finished the interview feeling so appreciative for being able to do what I do.

Creating Magic Clue #2: Sometimes going with the flow, not resisting what 'is' and trusting what the Universe brings to you, allows even more good to flow to you.
A few hours after my interview, I received a personal email from Arielle Ford, creator of the Soul Mate Kit, and one of my most favorite authors.

Arielle said that one of my clients, Lynn Fletcher (you can read her testimonial below) had shared her story of how she found her soul mate, which she attributed to going through Arielle's Soul Mate Kit and her coaching with me.

Lynn had spoken so highly of her work with me that Arielle asked if I would be a referral coach for her, since she doesn't do any private coaching.

After doing the Snoopy-Happy-Dog-Dance around my house, I wrote back that I'd of course be thrilled and honored. We spoke in person shortly thereafter and she gave me her permission to create an exclusive new coaching program around the Soul Mate Kit.

To say I was thrilled, grateful and appreciative for the opportunity to work with her would be an understatement.

Creating Magic Clue #3: Expressing joy and appreciation for what the Universe brings to you and asking for what you want (I asked if I could create the coaching program) brings even more for you to appreciate.

So here are my 3 tips for you to start creating magic in your life:

1.  Take a break and go do something you love when you're feeling stressed or overwhelmed

2.  Don't resist what happens or what you're feeling, but instead try and shift your perception to trusting that it's exactly what is supposed to be happening for your benefit

3.  Express love, joy and appreciation for as many things, people and events in your life as you possibly can... because the more you do, the more the Universe will bring you even more to love and appreciate

I wish for you as many magical moments as you can take in this week. And if you'd like some support in creating magic in your life, I'm happy to help you on the journey.

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” - Buddha

 

Copyright 2010 Dawn Allen

How to Reinvent Your World...

Have you ever thought about the possibilities of reinventing your world?

George Bernard Shaw once said, “Progress is impossible without change; and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.”

So what if we changed our minds about what’s possible for ourselves and our future?

What if by changing our perception of ‘what is’, we were also able to change our perception of ‘what can be…’

One of the things I love most about working with my clients is that I can hold a bigger vision for them than they can see for themselves.  And by having someone who holds that vision for them, it inspires them to create even more than they ever thought possible.

How cool is that?

And my coaches have done the same for me.

But what I’ve sometimes found is that it is very often my own limiting beliefs about the past that get in the way of creating my future.

Why is that?

Because there is a part of me that thinks I’m still that same person I was in the past and therefore, hindered by the same mistakes I made in the past.

Then one day my mentor, who is a multiple 7-figure coach and I figure knows what the heck she’s talking about, said to me, “You are not the same person today as you were in the past when you made those choices and those decisions and attracted those experiences.  Why would you think that your future would be based on your past?”

Huh… go figure.  I can tell this stuff to my clients all day long, but I still can’t always see it for myself.

And of course, she was right.  I am different.  I have grown.  I have changed.  I make different decisions today because I know more.  And heaven knows, I certainly attract different experiences than I did in the past… because we attract what we are and it’s always congruent with our beliefs about who we are.

So, I made the executive decision that day as the major shareholder in “Dawn Allen, Inc.” to overwrite my old self-image and instead to work with one of my choosing. 

And I would encourage you to do the same.

I decided to expand my beliefs about what’s possible for my future.  Not based on the past.  But instead, based on what I truly desire.  Knowing that God never gives us a dream or desire without the capacity to make it come true.

So what about you?

Is there a difficult situation in your life that has challenged you in the past?

Could you change your perception to view it as having been there to benefit you in some way?

It has been a life-changing decision for me to shift my perception to see every challenge as a means to bringing me greater self-awareness and an opportunity for self-growth.

It has also allowed me to expand my belief of what’s possible for my future.

Now, instead of looking back and seeing myself as powerless or blaming myself (or worse, someone else!) for seeming failure, I have chosen to view those circumstances as benefiting me by helping me to grow, to become more of who I am.

One of my favorite things to tell my clients is it’s not the easy stuff that makes us grow, it’s those difficult, challenging, “Oh-my-gosh-why-is-this-happening-to-me?” moments when we really get to see how strong we are, how capable we are, how much more we can survive than we ever thought possible.

Those are the times that show us who we are and what we’re made of.

And those are the times when we have a choice… we can choose to see ourselves as victims of fate, unable to choose our destinies. 

Or we can chalk it up to being an AFGO (Another Freakin’ Growth Opportunity) in this beautiful mosaic we call life.

But it is a mosaic you get to create and call your own.

Make it one you love.

And make it as brilliant, bright and shining… as you are.

Love- What Does It Mean To You?

Not long ago, my boyfriend and I were

having a conversation about

our previous relationships.

 

Well, actually, to be more specific,

MY previous relationships since I have

... uh, a few in my past.  My boyfriend

was married for 19 years before his

divorce 9 years ago, so his list is a

tad bit shorter :-)

 

He asked what Love is to me now…

I couldn’t come up with an immediate

answer.  But after giving it some thought,

I came up with a few ideas.

 

So, in honor of Valentine’s Day,

here are some thoughts on Love,

and I'd love to hear yours as well.

 

Love means…

trust, acceptance, respect and appreciation,

those are the 4 biggies.

 

Love is…

the willingness to grow and be there for

someone, while also realizing that the goal

is not to ‘arrive’ somewhere in the future,

but to be fully present and appreciative

of where you are right now.

 

Love is…

an action and very often a choice.

And the goal is not to ‘fall in love,’ but to

‘grow in love,’ so you can become more of

who you are, not less.

 

Love…

should never make you feel like you are

‘less than’, but ‘more than’.  It should feel

expansive, not constrictive and restrictive.

 

Love is…

about looking for and seeing the best in

someone, even at times when they may

not be able to see it for themselves.

 

Love…

and fear can’t exist together, so I think love

is about letting go of fear and learning to trust.

 

And here’s the biggest thing I’ve learned about

Love…

you can only give Love to someone else,

when you’ve learned how to give it to yourself.

 

When you’ve learned to really trust, respect and

be honest with yourself, only then can you offer

those same things to someone else.

 

Only then can you make really wise choices

about the people you choose to be with in

your life, because those choices are based

in trust, respect and honesty with yourself,

and not based in fear.

 

I don’t know that earlier in my life,

I was completely conscious of the choices I made

about partners BEFORE I made them and why.

 

In part because I hadn’t taken the time to really

know myself and figure out what I wanted and why. 

 

So that’s my definition for Love.

 

And the best part is I realize that every single

experience I’ve had has allowed me to finally

learn all these things about myself, who I am

and what Love is to me.

 

Now that I can look back on every experience

I’ve had with love and appreciation for what it

taught me, I can look at the present and the future

with only love in my heart.

 

And ya know, that just really feels good.

 

I’d love to know what Love is to you…

 

My Valentine’s wish for you is that

whatever you do and whoever you’re with,

you treat yourself like the best Valentine

in the world… because you are.

 

And that’s what Love is really all about...

loving and appreciating who you are,

just as you are,

so you can share your wonderful self

with someone else.

 

With love, light and blessings,

 

Dawn

 

Past Relationships- How to release them so you can step into the future

Have you ever been in a relationship where you felt like no matter what you did or what you said, you were still attached to the person you were trying to leave behind?

Been there.  The last time, after I had exhausted all my resources for doing everything I knew to let go of the past, a very powerful visualization came to me one morning while I was meditating.

While I was going through this process, I wanted to feel like I was letting go of the past in a peaceful and harmonious way.

I wanted to feel like I was moving towards something I wanted rather than away from something I didn't want.

I've had a quite a few clients recently who were in the same place... needing and wanting to move on from the past, but not knowing how.   

This visualization worked so well for me, I now take all my clients through it as well, and I wanted to share it with you...

Feel free to pass it on if you know anyone who might be needing to leave the past behind, because until we fully complete and release our past relationships, we will continue to carry our emotional baggage into the future.

Take your time with this meditation and do it as often as necessary until you feel a sense of completion.

Find a comfortable place to sit and relax.

Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths.

Allow your awareness to rest gently on your heart.

Visualize yourself standing someplace quiet and peaceful.

Now visualize the person you would like to release from the past standing across from you.

You are each holding one end of a cord that runs between you.

This cord represents your attachment to each other and the energetic connection of your relationship.

You can visualize this cord as a golden rope of light, or a piece of heavy white cord, whatever feels right

for you.

Take a few minutes to tell this person anything you need to say to feel complete with the relationship.

You are speaking to this person’s higher self, so whatever you say will be understood.

Visualize them being appreciative of your telling them how you feel and accepting of anything you have to say.

When you feel complete, lovingly tell this person good-bye and thank them for everything you learned

while you were with them.

Very gently set your end of the cord that you were holding down on the ground.  By setting down your end of the cord, you have released your attachment to this person and the relationship completely.

There is no longer any energetic connection between you. 

You can visualize them setting down their end of the cord, or perhaps they have chosen to hang on to their end of the cord, whatever they choose to do in your visualization is fine.

But since you have set down your end of the cord, you are now free of your connection to the past.

Once you have said good-bye and set down the cord, visualize yourself turning and walking towards a beautiful, white light.

Within this beautiful white light is everything you now want to manifest in your life… all your dreams, goals, and desires.

Now that you have released and let go of the past, you are free to walk into this light and know that

everything is there waiting for you.

Your only job now is to feel what it’s like to be surrounded by everything you desire; your dreams are there waiting for you, you just need to open your arms and let them into your life.

The only thing that was holding you back was your attachment to the past.

Now that you’ve let that go, you are free to receive all the good waiting for you now and in the future.

Spend some time thinking about everything that this beautiful white light holds for you.

Write it all down… your ideal relationship and partner, your ideal career and financial resources, your ideal home life, your physical health and well-being.

Tap into the experience of what it would feel like to be living in your ideal life.

Place your hand over your heart and anchor those feelings of joy, happiness, peace, love, success, prosperity... whatever feelings represent your ideal life for you. 

Anytime you start to feel worried, doubtful or insecure, go back to this meditation and visualize yourself again gently putting down the cord to the past and walking towards the light of everything you want in your life.

Every time you do this visualization, you will be freeing yourself more and more from the past, and strengthening your connection to the future, your desires and effortlessly attracting them into your life.

I'd love to hear from you, and as always, if I can support you in any way, please let me know.

Until next time...

With love light and blessings,

Dawn

 

Dawn Allen, M.S.

Love & Law of Attraction Coach

Certified Dream Coach

Certified Passion Test Facilitator

541.608.0508

http://www.InspiredHeartCoaching.com

dawn@inspiredheartcoaching.com

What if love really is all we need?

A very dear friend of mine sent me this video for the Starbucks Love Project.

It's so inspiring I wanted to share it with all of you.

Just think...

What if love really is all we need?

How would we treat each other differently?

Even more importantly,

how would we treat ourselves differently?

Enjoy the day...

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nh7D2g5v-Sg

And remember, you ARE indeed loved.

Until next time...

Dawn

Love- Healing Your Wounded Heart

"Healing Your Wounded Heart with Love"

 I have a confession.  If you haven't read my bio on my website or blog, you may not know I've been engaged twice and married twice, all to different men.  In addition, my daughter and I were both molested by my former stepfather.

Healing from heartbreak is something I know how to do really, really well. 

I've learned that once you know how to heal your heart, the process is the same, regardless of the circumstances.

Marianne Williamson said, "It is not the love we did not receive in the past that hurts us.  What hurts us is the love we are not extending in the present."

The place to extend that love when you've been heartbroken is to yourself.  It took me a long time to learn how to do this.  My initial way of coping was to distract myself and to bury my feelings.  From the time I was 16 and my stepfather came into my life, I had an eating disorder for the next ten years that did a really good job of distracting me from the pain I was feeling.

When we've been heartbroken, one of the things that prevents our healing is resisting what we're feeling.  In my case, having an eating disorder was a way for me to resist dealing with my painful feelings.

If I had known then, what I know now, and had someone to walk me through the process of healing, I would have saved myself years of anguish. 

It took me a long time to learn how to embrace and accept what I was feeling, no matter how unpleasant.  But once I did, it finally allowed me to gradually move through my feelings and eventually release them.  It didn't happen overnight.

Grieving and healing from heartbreak is a process, but it doesn't have to take years, as it initially did in my case.  If you know the steps, you can recover much more quickly and come out of the process an even stronger and more loving person than you were before.

The first step is to bring yourself to the present moment and allow yourself to feel whatever it is you're feeling.  John Gray wrote a wonderful book called, "What You Feel, You Can Heal."  Feeling is the first step in healing.

Allow all your feelings to come to the surface.  Breathe through them.  If tears come as well, then let them come.  Tears are very cleansing to the soul and they put us in touch with our hearts.  Getting in touch with our hearts is a big part of the healing process, so tears should be welcomed.

The next step is to express your feelings.  Expressing your feelings is critical to your healing.  You need to have a space to release whatever is going on inside of you, without having to be kind, spiritual, or worry about what someone else is going to think of you.

Through the years, my saving grace was expressing my feelings in my journal.  Having the outlet of my journal as a safe place to express all my emotions literally saved my life at times.

Now I have the benefit of a coach as an additional haven for me to express my feelings.  Only recently have I realized how powerful it is to have another person acknowledge and witness my feelings and intentions.  Having that supportive relationship in my life made transitioning through my last divorce, a thousand times easier than my first one twenty years ago.

It is essential to have a way to express all your feelings, whether that's in a journal or by talking to a friend, therapist, or coach.  Until those unexpressed, painful feelings are released, you'll stay stuck.

My grandmother passed away when I was eleven.  It took me ten years to complete the grieving process.  I bottled my sadness up inside me and pretended everything was fine.  It wasn't until I took two dozen sleeping pills on my 17^th birthday as a loud cry for help that I finally broke down.  I started expressing my grief, releasing what had been pent up inside me for years, and at last began to heal.

As you become present and start expressing all the feelings inside you, extend all the love you have to give, towards yourself.  That is where all your healing begins... with a heart full of love for yourself.

"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire Universe, deserve your love and affection." - Buddha

Love- Are Your Perceptions Hiding A Gift of Love?

I recently learned a valuable lesson about how our perceptions can lead us to misinterpreting events and profoundly affect our relationships. 

     

Not long ago, a dear friend of mine was away on a trip visiting his parents.  His parents are elderly, so he spends most of his time taking care of them when he’s with them.  His siblings have the caretaking responsibility when he’s not there.  He and his mother love to go shopping when he visits.  On this last trip, he called me when they were shopping for clothes to find out what size I wore.  I was excited to see what he bought. 

After he got home, I didn’t hear from him right away, which initially I didn’t give much thought to.  He had been swamped with work right before he left, and since he’s self-employed, the work doesn’t get done unless he’s home to do it.

As a few days passed, I started to wonder why he hadn’t contacted me.  All kinds of thoughts ran through my head.  Was he upset with me for some reason?  Had I done something wrong?  Trying to figure out all the possible reasons of why he hadn’t yet called just made me feel worse.

I finally mentioned what was happening to my mother and told her how I was feeling.  My brilliant seventy-five year old mother, who is my greatest coach, told me to refocus my attention and energy back on my own life, and let go of wondering what was going on with him. 

My mom reassured me that he’d obviously been thinking about me or he wouldn’t have been buying me clothes while he was away.  She also reminded me how painful it is to visit parents you haven’t seen for months, and see their physical and mental health rapidly declining.  It takes time to regain your emotional equilibrium after such a stressful and challenging trip.

Listening to her talk, I suddenly viewed everything from a completely different perspective.  I felt a huge sense of compassion.  The trips to visit his parents had become increasingly difficult for my friend.  I had not even considered all these other aspects to the story, and the way we interpret events are indeed our stories.

The hurt and rejection I’d been feeling disappeared as I hung up the phone with my mother.  I wrote a short email to my friend letting him know I was thinking about him and hoped he was well.

He contacted me the following day.  He said he’d been working non-stop ever since he got home.  He was still overwhelmed with work, but asked if I’d like to come over that evening, so we could dance and go for a motorcycle ride together.  As soon as I got there, he handed me a present wrapped in green paper with a red bow.  It felt like Christmas.  Neatly folded inside were the clothes he had bought for me while he was away, and some others he had purchased after he came home. 

All the thoughts and feelings I’d had when he first returned from his trip seemed immaterial.  The pain and suffering I’d put myself through were a result of my initial perspective and how I had interpreted not hearing from him.

When I changed my perspective, and was able to see the situation from a different point of view, my interpretation of what happened changed too.  Instead of hurt and anger, my feelings shifted to love and compassion.  That shift opened the door to a positive response from my friend.

When we’re feeling stuck in our pain, it is invaluable to be able to step back from our perceived point of view and see events and circumstances through someone else’s eyes. A negative, painful interpretation can shift to a more loving and positive one simply by changing your perspective.

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Your Assignment:  Take a look how you interpret events and circumstances that happen.  Explore these ideas in a journal, and you’ll gain clarity, objectivity, and perhaps a new perspective on the people and events in your life. 

Seeing events through another person’s eyes is not only a gift to them, but also a loving gift to yourself. You are giving yourself the power of choice to reinterpret painful events, and instead choose to create a life of love for yourself.