Meet and Marry Mr. Right- Finally Find and Keep the Right Man For You Once and For All- Dawn Allen, Dating and Relationship Advice Expert for Women

Waiting for Mr. Right? Don't Settle for Mr. Almost-Right

I heard a story the other day about how we get
what we think we deserve in life.  It reminded me
that we also get what we think we deserve in
relationships.  See if you agree…

Dogs love bones.  Right?

Yes.  But what dogs REALLY love is steak.

They settle for bones, because that’s usually all
they can get.

But if you throw out a bone AND a piece of steak,
they will go for the steak every time.

So why do they settle for bones instead of waiting
for steak?

Well, because they’re dogs and not in charge of
their lives.

But WE are not dogs.

Yet how many times do we settle for bones, instead
of waiting for steak?

When I was dating I always tried to stay very
open-minded.  I was willing to give any new guy a
chance if I was somewhat attracted to him.  That
was a good thing.

The problem was I wasn’t always willing to look
beyond the attraction and see that he didn’t
necessarily have the important qualities I was
looking for in a partner, like commitment or
emotional availability.

I would look for the best and the brightest in a
guy, ignore the things that weren’t working and
try to convince myself that I could live without
the qualities he didn’t have or that maybe things
would change down the line.

If the chemistry was great and I saw a glimmer of
potential in the relationship, I stayed. 

Truthfully, it was just easier to be content with
what I had than to venture into being alone again.
 And part of me thought, maybe this was the best I
could do.

I would squash any doubts or concerns thinking,
“Well, I can’t look for perfection… he’s got some
good qualities and we have so much chemistry
together that maybe if I just give it more time…”


I rationalized.  I made excuses. 

Ultimately the relationship would end.

Either I would leave because it became too
draining for me to keep pretending the
relationship was going somewhere when it really
wasn’t.  Or, the non-committal man I was seeing
would end it because I felt so insecure I’d become
increasingly needy and dependent.
 
Ah, the grief, the anguish I would have saved had
I just not been so willing to settle for bones.

But at the time, I wasn’t sure steak even
existed... or if it did, if I really deserved it.

Unfortunately, the Universe can only give us what
we feel we deserve.  It simply mirrors what we’re
feeling about ourselves.

When I finally cared enough about myself to honor
what I truly wanted and needed in a partner, AND
believed I deserved it, the Universe responded in
kind and magically brought me the right man.

But first I had to be willing to say NO to what I
knew in my heart wasn’t right for me, so I could
say YES to what was.

I had to stop settling for bones. 

If you’ve ever settled for bones, instead of
waiting for steak… here’s what to do.

Have clarity about what you want and what’s truly
important to you.  Don’t settle for less thinking
he’s better than no man at all.

This isn’t about looking for perfection.  It IS
about waiting for what is perfect for YOU.

There has to be a space in your life for your soul
mate to come in. 

Being in a mediocre relationship that doesn’t
fulfill you is just taking up that prime soul mate
space.

If you have settled in the past, then now’s the
time to change.

Look back on some of your previous relationships.
Why they ultimately came to an end?

Were there emotional highs and lows because you
were always guessing about his feelings for you?
Was there a lack of openness and honesty?  An
inability to communicate?  Perhaps you wanted a
long-term commitment but he didn’t?

The clues that these problems existed were
probably there in the beginning of the
relationship.

For me the warning signs were there, I just chose
not to see them.

You deserve the RIGHT man for you.  Be willing to
wait for him and not settle for less. 

He is out there.  He IS worth waiting for and so
are YOU.
 
YOU are worth it.

Please remember that.

Until next time,

With love, light and blessings,

Dawn

Do You Have Your Soul Mate BluePrint?

My daughter just got back from volleyball camp and her weeklong trip to Lake Shasta so we've been spending a lot of time catching up.  I'm happy that at 15 she still wants to occasionally spend time with her mother :-)  And we do have a good time together.

Hard to believe summer has flown by and she'll be starting school towards the end of this month.  Thankfully, she's eager to get back to school and I'm eager to get back to a regular schedule!

In the heat of August, we've done lots of reading and watching movies.  One movie I'm eager to see is "Eat, Pray, Love" because it's such an inspiring story of what can happen with love when we take the journey of self-discovery and awareness.

Knowing who you are and learning about what you want are critical to being able to attract your heart's desire... especially when it comes to love.

So as a continuation of last week's, "Soul Mate 100 List", this week we'll find out about how to build your "Soul Mate BluePrint".

Remember, the Universe really loves clarity and inspired action.  So get clarity with your list and build your blueprint with inspired action and let me know how you do... :-)

And until next time, please remember to love and value yourself and ALL your dreams and desires... because you are worth it.  As one of my most favorite quotes from "Eat Pray Love" says, "You don't need a man.  You need a champion."

Be your own champion first... and that's exactly what you'll attract in a man :-)

Do You Have Your Soul Mate BluePrint?

Have you made your list of 100 things you want in your soul mate... what I like to call your Soul Mate 100 List?

Great! Then you're ready for Step Two in the Sacred Secrets to Love Process. Because you're now probably wondering... how is this guy going to show up? What do I have to do to manifest him now that I know what I want? Will he find me if I just put out my intention to the Universe that I want to attract him?

Well, maybe.

And, maybe not.

Even though we attract everything in life with our thoughts, beliefs, feelings and intentions (and believe me, if THOSE aren't all lined up with what you want, ain't nothin' gonna happen), the Universe LOVES inspired action.

Inspired action lets the Universe KNOW you're serious about manifesting your desires and willing to do whatever it takes. In other words, you are committed to the process.

Now inspired action does not mean you have to go do a bunch of stuff that you hate. Quite the contrary. You may have to push past some fear and resistance to follow through on your inspired action, but you'll still feel the nudge that this is something you need to do, even if it feels a little scary.

But by taking action, even in small pieces, you are letting the Universe know you are READY, even if it means moving past your comfort zone.

So what do you have to do?

Sometimes it's about clearing the path to allow your soul mate in to your life.

Like making sure you are completely free of the past. Making sure you have totally let go of all negative feelings associated with previous relationships. Anger, guilt, remorse or resentment from the past will block the way towards attracting new love into your life.

If you don't clear those feelings first, believe me you'll carry the past right along with you into the future. Not a good starting point for your soul mate relationship.

But what if you're completely clear from the past and KNOW you've prepared the way? What else do you have to do?

Sometimes not anything at all, except live in that place of joyful expectation and anticipation knowing without a doubt that your soul mate IS going to show up in your life. If you truly believe and know that in your heart, it can happen without you're doing anything else.

But if you get an inner nudge or guidance to do something, you have to be willing to do it. Your willingness to take action is an indication to the Universe that you are clear and ready to do what is needed to attract the love of your life.

But the actions you take will feel inspired.

So how do you know what inspired action to take?

Here's what to do (and this is from one of my most favorite teachers, Abraham-Hicks):

1. Begin by getting into a really 'feeling good' kind of place. You can't manifest anything from a place of need, desperation, fear or anger (except to manifest more of the same). Your attracting abilities are at their highest when you're in a state of love and joy, so do whatever you need to do to get into a happy state of mind.

2. Now close your eyes (or look at your vision board if you have one) and visualize having your soul mate in your life. What will your life be like? Years ago when I first started dating my husband, every night before I went to sleep, I'd visualize us getting married on a beach in Hawaii. Just the two of us on a very secluded beach. A few years later that is EXACTLY what happened. Although we discussed having a big wedding with our friends and family, it ended up being just the two of us on a private beach in Hawaii with a minister. It wasn't until after we had been married for a few weeks that I realized I had visualized our exact wedding years before.

3. Hold this vision of you and your soul mate together. Really get into the feeling of what it's going to be like when you him and have this relationship you've been dreaming of. Visualize as many details as you possibly can and feel it as if it was happening right now.

4. If you can maintain these feelings of what it would be like to live your vision for at least 68 seconds, you will have put the manifestation process into effect. That's it. Just 68 seconds and you're off and running to your heart's desire. And the longer you can hold the feelings of experiencing this vision as if it were already here, the faster it will manifest for you.

5. Here's the key to inspired action... after doing your visualization, if you'll ask, "Is there some action I need to take to bring this into my reality?"... and then listen very clearly for the answer you'll know what, if anything, you need to do. But you have to be open to whatever the answer may be and willing to take action.

So that's it for your Soul Mate BluePrint Lesson. What will your inspired actions look like?

Attracting Your Soul Mate- Here's Step One...

I really love roses.  One of the great things about summer... even when it's blazing hot outside like it is this today, the roses are still blooming like crazy.

I try to always have a bouquet of roses in the house, whether they're from our yard or I'm fortunate enough to receive them from the man in my life.  For me, they are such a beautiful reminder of the celebration of love.

A big key in manifesting love in your life is that you first have to give yourself the love you deserve and desire, before you can attract it in a partner and relationship.

Our lives and relationships are just a mirror for what's going on inside of us.  So if you value yourself and your desires, your life and your relationships will reflect back to you everything you desire.

Unfortunately, the reverse is true as well.  If you're not valuing yourself and your desires, that will be reflected as well.  I've written extensively about the importance of loving and valuing yourself.

But it's also important to get really clear about what it is you want.

Having done more free sessions these past two weeks than I can count, one of the first things we talked about in most of the sessions was what each person really wanted in a partner and relationship.

Since I didn't have time to write an article this week, instead I have a fun little exercise for you to do that will help you take Step #1 in manifesting your soul mate... getting really, really clear about what you want.

There are two things the Universe really loves.  Clarity and inspired action.  This week we'll talk about clarity.  Next week inspired action.   See below to get started... :-)

The Soul Mate 100 List...

Okay, you've done lots of work on trying to manifest your soul mate.

But have you gotten clear about what you want?  I mean REALLY clear.

One thing I noticed when I was dating.  Even though I had made my list of the things I wanted in a partner, when I was really dating a lot, I got even clearer.  Partially because I was also discovering a lot about what I didn't want.  But that just made it easier to know what I DID want. :-)

So, although you may have made your list of what you want in a partner before, I'm going to ask you to do it again this week.

And here's what I want you to do differently...

I want you to make a list of 100 things you want in a partner and in your relationship.

Now 100 things may seem like a lot, but there are a number of things I think we often forget to include when we're making out list.

So answer these questions and I think it will help...

=>  First, describe your ideal partner.  What qualities would you like him to have... physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually?  What kind of behavior, values and morals would you like in a partner?

=>  Second, describer your ideal relationship with your partner.  What types of things would you like to do?  How would you like the relationship to be?  Do you want companionship?  A playmate?  A partner in life forever?  A father for your children?  Do you want to spend lots of time together?  Or are you content with less time but more quality time when you are together?

=>  Third, and perhaps most importantly, how do you want to feel in this relationship and with your partner?  How do you want to be?  Do you want to feel cherished, adored and treasured?  Is it important that you feel respected, appreciated and supported? 

Really take some time to think about how you want to feel in this relationship because it is our feelings that attract what we want more than anything else.

If you can get clear about what you want and then step into the feeling of what it would be like to have it, you'll attract it... as long as you really feel inside that you deserve it.

Ready to Find Your Soul Mate? Here's How to Take Inspired Action...

In my twenties, I was living a pretty great life in Los Angeles.  I had a job I loved that paid me well.  I lived in a beautiful apartment, had a nice car and was pretty much enjoying life as a single girl.

However, as I approached 27, I was feeling ready to settle down and get married.  I had dated a lot of different men, and it had really helped me figure out my likes and dislikes.  But even though I was very happy on my own, I was ready for a more serious relationship.

I knew what I wanted… a single, successful man who could make me laugh and was ready to get married.  My mother always said, ‘Marry someone who will make you laugh.  It makes life easier when you can laugh about things together.’

At the time, I was working for a large pension plan administration company.  Part of my job included calculating pension benefits due participants when a plan was terminated.

As I was working on one rather difficult and complicated pension plan, I noticed we had two different birth dates in our records for one participant.  Depending on which birth date I used, it made a substantial difference in his payout.

Normally I would have called the on-site administrator at the company for the correct information.  I tried never to have direct communication with the participants.  They inevitably ended up asking way too many questions about when they’d be getting their money and how much they’d be receiving.

But that day I decided to pick up the phone and call the participant directly.  I was eager to complete the final calculations and this one discrepancy was holding everything up.

I called the participant, Scott, around 8:30am that morning.  I assumed it was his work phone number we had in the file.  I didn’t realize it was his home number until he answered and it was obvious I had woke him up. 

I apologized for calling so early, explained who I was, why I was calling and could he please clarify his date of birth for me.

Scott answered very graciously even though I had dragged him out of bed.  I realized we had done his calculations with the incorrect birth date.  I told him his original amount was wrong, and I would have to recalculate his payout and call him back with the corrected figure.

A few hours later, I called with his new payout which was about $10,000 higher than his previous amount.

He jokingly said, “I think I love you.  Will you marry me?” 

A bouquet of flowers arrived that afternoon with a thank you note attached from him. 

It turned out, not only was Scott 36 and single, he was also talented, funny, smart and successful.  Being in the film industry, he had recently decided to stop dating flaky-Hollywood type girls because he was ready to settle down and get married.

We were married 8 months later.

He was the perfect man for me at that time in my life.  He was generous, treated me wonderfully and to this day, he still makes me laugh.

The beauty of inspired action is when you’re clear about what you want and not coming from a place of need or desperation, it feels natural, easy and effortless.

I had calculated pension benefits for hundreds of clients in that job, many of whom had discrepancies in their information that I needed to verify, but Scott was the only one I ever called directly.

Why?  It was inspired action.

I knew what I wanted, but I was also happy with my life the way it was, so I was unattached as to how and when what I wanted was going to show up.

My dear friend, Arielle Ford, says it’s when you have this really great life going on that your soul mate shows up when you least expect it.

On your journey to love, let go of any doubts, fears or limiting beliefs about what’s possible for you.  Be unattached to the how, when and where of your soul mate showing up.

Focus on getting that really great life going on for yourself. 

When you’re clear about what you want and ready for it to manifest, your only job is to listen carefully for those inspired actions… and then take them!  You’ll be amazed at the miracles that happen for you.

And you deserve them.

Boundaries- They Help You Take a Stand for Your Life & Here's How...

Wow, I had such a great weekend away, but the only problem with going away sometimes?

It’s non-stop action when you get home!  Especially with a 15-year-old-hanging-out-at-home-because-I-can’t-get-a-job-or-drive-yet around.  My lovely structured schedule of work has somehow flown out the window.  Time to put some boundaries back in place :-)

An interesting happens when we start to honor ourselves and put healthy boundaries in place in our relationships.  Sometimes (very often, actually), all hell breaks loose initially from the loud screams of our loved ones, friends or anyone else who is trying to suck our energy away.  This is exactly what happened to me recently (see article below :-).

But something else happens after the initial shock subsides and we prove to the Universe that we really are committed to honoring our time, energy and feelings… magical things start to unfold.

So, in honor of the magical things that have started to happen to me as a result of learning how to create space for myself (my version of ‘boundaries’ since it feels less constricting), I am restructuring my business.

Some of you have mentioned that you would like to work with me privately, but either can’t afford a monthly coaching program or simply aren’t ready to make that kind of financial commitment.

In response, I am now offering individual, 45-minute coaching sessions and the investment for you is just $97.

I’m really excited about this new offering, because it gives me an opportunity to work with more of you more often.  I’ll also have additional time to spend creating books, products and other programs that will support you even more, which I’m eager to do.

If you’re interested in scheduling an individual private session with me, just email dawn@inspiredheartcoaching.com.

And please make sure you read my article today… learning how to honor and value ourselves is paramount not just in attracting the right partner, but in sustaining a magical relationship as well.

But it starts with YOU loving yourself first.

Here’s to a magical and self-honoring week ahead for you…

************************************************

“BOUNDARIES!” Nadia screamed at me in her heavy Eastern European accent.  “You have GOT to learn how to have boundaries or you will never achieve the kind of success you are meant to have in this world.  You have GOT to learn how to say NO in a healthy way, especially to those closest to you and those who are trying to take advantage of your time and energy…”

Okay, Nadia, I get it.  I’ve got to have boundaries.

Nadia is one of the most brilliant people I have ever had the pleasure of working with.

Who is she?

Nadia Tumas is an incredibly gifted and talented hand analyst and life purpose coach.  She recently did a hand analysis for me and helped me discover some pretty amazing things about myself and my life.

Nadia, however, does not mince words.  She cautioned me at the beginning of our session that she ‘tells it like she sees it’ so to speak (according to our hands) and does not hold back from saying the truth that we may not like, but that we need to hear.

I took a deep breath and told her to go for it.  I was ready to hear everything she had to say.

As Nadia proceeded to describe in detail all the positive and not-so-positive aspects of my personality (all of which were unbelievably accurate), she also explained what I needed to do in order to really fulfill my life purpose and potential, which according to her was that of being a successful leading mentor in the spotlight with a message of love for the world.

“Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries,” she kept saying repeatedly.  “Learn to have boundaries or else…”

Okay, so boundaries and saying no to people have never been my strong suit.

It’s much easier for me to say yes and give in to other people’s requests.

The problem with that, of course, is that I end up sacrificing huge amounts of time and energy to things and people that aren’t necessarily supporting my life goals.

It’s not their fault.  They’re just asking.  And people should always feel free to ask.  Or at least I want them to always feel free to ask.
But I should also feel free to say no… and I don’t always feel that way.

There’s a part of me deep down that struggles with saying no to people out of fear of rejection.

And not feeling good enough or worthy enough to put a priority on myself, my feelings and my time.

This has shown up for me time and time again in my life... in my work, in my relationships, in everything.

But in my desire to serve others, I was getting left out.  My needs and desires were getting pushed to the side over and over and over again.

And how can we ever truly serve others if we’re not first serving ourselves?

Eventually we just run out of steam.  Our energy runs dry.

Nadia pointed out to me that my hands were screaming out for help.  My over-giving and self-sacrifice in some of my relationships was leaving me with nothing left to support myself.

How could I move forward in life if I had no energy left for my goals and dreams?

The well was about to run dry.

I looked up at the Mission Statement I had written for my life the year I started coaching five years ago…

I am here to teach love & that we might all know we are loved. 
The path of Spirit is right where we are & our connection to Spirit is there all the time.
Walk down your path & know that you are loved & perfect the way you are.
The answer to everything on this path is love.

But was I really loving myself?

Was I honoring my own Path?

Not so much.

So that day, on the phone with Nadia, I made the commitment that I would start creating space for myself and having healthy boundaries in place in all my relationships.

Honest to goodness no sooner did I get off the phone with Nadia and the first person to call me was my ex-husband, who I’ve had continuing boundary issues with during our entire relationship, but particularly so since we got divorced.

I’m thinking to myself as I’m listening to him… You have GOT to be kidding me?  Really?  Really?   Must I be tested on my commitment to this already?!!!

Can’t I even get a little break or semi-hiatus out of acknowledgment for having made this commitment?

No, I guess not.  Because the first thing my dear ex-husband did was launch into a rendition of “I want you to do this for me…”  And it happened to be something I had already said No to in the past and which he continued to try and guilt me into doing.

And normally, I would have given in… just to done with it.  Even though it wasn’t what I wanted to do.

But Nadia’s voice kept nagging at me in the back of my head… boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.

So… tuh-dah!  I said No for the first time.  I had to say it about 5 different times, 5 different ways and then again in about 4 different emails.  But I stuck to it and kept saying it from a place of love, not anger.

Because when I thought about it, it wasn’t his fault.  I had never shown him anything different other than being someone who would give in… generally out of fear of rejection or anger.

And this No was coming from a place of love for myself… and therefore a place of love for him too.

I just needed to show him a different interaction in our relationship.  One where I was now going to honor my feelings and say no to requests that didn’t feel right.

It took awhile, but he finally got it.  Amazingly, the final communication between us ended from a very loving place for both of us.  That was a first.  And believe me, it did feel like magic.

I hate to say it, but retraining the people in our lives that we want/need/expect to be treated differently, is a lot like retraining dogs.

We don’t have to get mad at a dog for not understanding our new requests.  We just have to be consistent and persistent in what we’re teaching them to do and how we’re training them to treat us.

And we do teach the people in our lives how to treat us.  That is our responsibility, not theirs.

We have to take a stand for ourselves.  But first we have to love ourselves enough to take that stand.

Love yourself enough to take a stand for your life… with everyone in your life.

Taking Things Personally? Here's How to Stop... :-)

Okay, I admit it.  I still have times when I struggle to NOT take things personally.

Which means, of course, that, yes, even though I know better, I still have those moments when I DO take things personally.

Ugh.

There’s a wonderful quote from Dr. Patricia Allen, that brings me some reprieve…

“We are all broken in one way or another, and we must learn to accept the broken aspect in order to love.”

Not just in order to love another, but in order to love ourselves too.

I’ve noticed that when I’m feeling frustrated or angry, I tend to start judging myself I start thinking, "I shouldn't feel this way."

But the more I judge myself for what I’m feeling, the more contracted I feel, and the more I shut down.

What we resist persists.

The more I try to force myself into feeling better, the more I try to jump to the nearest distraction to avoid the feeling altogether or I just beat myself up for feeling this way to begin with.

The biggest challenge is letting go of the judgment about what I’m feeling, so…

I decided to try a new tactic.

What if... when I felt contracted, I simply took it as a sign from the Universe that it's a time to take care of myself, to not make any big decisions, and to just allow myself to 'be'?

What if... I accepted what I’m feeling and didn't judge it to be good or bad, right or wrong, but just what 'is' for the moment?

What if… I just gave myself permission to feel what I’m feeling and to just let it be okay?

I discovered something…the emotional relief is immediate.

When I judge and resist what I’m feeling, I never really get the chance to move beyond the feelings, by allowing them to move through me.

I might be able to force them into hiding for awhile, but eventually they start popping up in one form or another...

I get sick, want to eat everything in sight, react to my daughter’s moods, (she’s 15, it’s her job to be moody) go through the day with no energy, and wade through sleepless nights…

So how does all this relate to learning how to NOT take things personally?

Something interesting happened when I learned how to stop judging myself and my feelings…

I learned how to stop judging other people’s feelings and to stop taking them personally… especially my partner’s.

Don’t get me wrong, I still have to remind myself DAILY.

But it gets easier all the time.

And it’s easier to communicate from a place of understanding, rather than my old patterns of shutting down or having a huge emotional reaction.

I’ll leave you with one final quote from two of my favorite teachers, Janet & Chris Attwood…

“When I can be okay with the contraction in myself, I can accept the contraction in people around me.  When I'm okay with both, then my life is simply a life lived in love."

Here's to a life lived in love for you and all those you hold dear.

Give yourself the love and acceptance you so deserve :-)

Until next time,

With all my love,

Dawn

Are You A People Pleaser too?

I have a confession.

 

I am, by nature, a people

pleaser.

 

It’s one of the reasons I love

what I do so much.  I get to

help make people happy.

 

Wanting to make my

clients happy is a valuable

personality trait when it comes

to business.

 

Not so much when it comes to

personal relationships.

 

I learned that lesson today

along with a huge revelation.

 

Wanting to make

everyone happy in personal

relationships very often comes

with the high price of self-sacrifice.

 

Self-sacrifice is NOT a valuable

personality trait in relationships.

 

In fact, it can result in the

build-up of resentment,

anger, guilt and the deterioration

of love both for ourselves and others.

 

So, how did I so brilliantly learn this

lesson and have this huge revelation?

 

I didn’t.  My wonderful and very wise

boyfriend pointed it out to me.

 

I was struggling on how to handle

a situation with my daughter’s father.

 

He had sent me a snotty

email trying to make me feel

guilty for not forcing my daughter

to contact him.

 

Since this was coming from a man

who chose not to participate in my

daughter’s life in any way for over

fourteen years and she’s only fifteen,

his attitude really upset me.

 

Up until this time, I have tried to

be incredibly kind and understanding

to him, even though he shirked

all responsibility to my daughter

for years.

 

I responded to his email with a few

very pointed comments of how I felt

about his expectations

and his total lack of caring and

responsibility towards my daughter.

 

But then I started to feel guilty.

 

My people-pleasing instincts kicked

in and I felt like I should try to do

something to make him

feel better.

 

Maybe I was a bit too harsh.

Maybe I shouldn’t have been quite

so blunt and honest in my email.

 

Maybe I should have been even more

understanding… again.

 

I called my boyfriend, who was a

single parent for many years, and asked

for a second opinion.

 

He very patiently pointed out to me

that it wasn’t my job to make EVERYONE

happy, least of all someone who had

created his own predicament by his

own actions… or rather lack of actions.

 

Wow.  Really?

What a revelation.

 

He further supported me in having

expressed my long-hidden feelings by

telling the truth in my email to my daughter's

father.  In my boyfriend’s words, the ball

was in his court.

 

And now I needed to let it go.

 

Just let go and NOT try and try

and try to make everyone happy?

 

Wow.  Really?

What a revelation.

 

But you know what?

He’s right.

It’s not my job.

 

It IS my job to make sure my

clients are happy.  And I will bend

over backwards to make sure they

are.  I love my clients and I love what

I do.

 

But trying to always

make everyone happy in our personal

life will generally constitute some form

of self-sacrifice, and it is impossible

to make anyone else happy if we

ourselves aren’t happy.

 

Sacrificing ourselves, our feelings,

our self-respect, our honesty, is a

sure-fire route to unhappiness.

 

Funny, I tell my clients that all the time.

 

I guess it was time I took my own advice and

learned that lesson first-hand.

 

My advice?  Make yourself happy

first, then worry about everyone else.

 

There are times when it is simply

NOT your job to make others happy,

no matter how guilty they may try to

make you feel.

 

Put the ball back in their court.

 

And then let go.  We all create

our own realities and sometimes we

just need to let other people live out their

own.

 

Then you can focus on creating yours

just the way you want it, without

sacrificing anything :-)

 

Until next time,

 

With all my love,

Dawn

 

 

Dawn Allen, M.S.

Love & Law of Attraction Coach

Certified Dream Coach

Certified Passion Test Facilitator

dawn@inspiredheartcoaching.com

541.608.0508

http://www.InspiredHeartCoaching.com

 

 

 

 

Love- What Does It Mean To You?

Not long ago, my boyfriend and I were

having a conversation about

our previous relationships.

 

Well, actually, to be more specific,

MY previous relationships since I have

... uh, a few in my past.  My boyfriend

was married for 19 years before his

divorce 9 years ago, so his list is a

tad bit shorter :-)

 

He asked what Love is to me now…

I couldn’t come up with an immediate

answer.  But after giving it some thought,

I came up with a few ideas.

 

So, in honor of Valentine’s Day,

here are some thoughts on Love,

and I'd love to hear yours as well.

 

Love means…

trust, acceptance, respect and appreciation,

those are the 4 biggies.

 

Love is…

the willingness to grow and be there for

someone, while also realizing that the goal

is not to ‘arrive’ somewhere in the future,

but to be fully present and appreciative

of where you are right now.

 

Love is…

an action and very often a choice.

And the goal is not to ‘fall in love,’ but to

‘grow in love,’ so you can become more of

who you are, not less.

 

Love…

should never make you feel like you are

‘less than’, but ‘more than’.  It should feel

expansive, not constrictive and restrictive.

 

Love is…

about looking for and seeing the best in

someone, even at times when they may

not be able to see it for themselves.

 

Love…

and fear can’t exist together, so I think love

is about letting go of fear and learning to trust.

 

And here’s the biggest thing I’ve learned about

Love…

you can only give Love to someone else,

when you’ve learned how to give it to yourself.

 

When you’ve learned to really trust, respect and

be honest with yourself, only then can you offer

those same things to someone else.

 

Only then can you make really wise choices

about the people you choose to be with in

your life, because those choices are based

in trust, respect and honesty with yourself,

and not based in fear.

 

I don’t know that earlier in my life,

I was completely conscious of the choices I made

about partners BEFORE I made them and why.

 

In part because I hadn’t taken the time to really

know myself and figure out what I wanted and why. 

 

So that’s my definition for Love.

 

And the best part is I realize that every single

experience I’ve had has allowed me to finally

learn all these things about myself, who I am

and what Love is to me.

 

Now that I can look back on every experience

I’ve had with love and appreciation for what it

taught me, I can look at the present and the future

with only love in my heart.

 

And ya know, that just really feels good.

 

I’d love to know what Love is to you…

 

My Valentine’s wish for you is that

whatever you do and whoever you’re with,

you treat yourself like the best Valentine

in the world… because you are.

 

And that’s what Love is really all about...

loving and appreciating who you are,

just as you are,

so you can share your wonderful self

with someone else.

 

With love, light and blessings,

 

Dawn

 

Past Relationships- How to release them so you can step into the future

Have you ever been in a relationship where you felt like no matter what you did or what you said, you were still attached to the person you were trying to leave behind?

Been there.  The last time, after I had exhausted all my resources for doing everything I knew to let go of the past, a very powerful visualization came to me one morning while I was meditating.

While I was going through this process, I wanted to feel like I was letting go of the past in a peaceful and harmonious way.

I wanted to feel like I was moving towards something I wanted rather than away from something I didn't want.

I've had a quite a few clients recently who were in the same place... needing and wanting to move on from the past, but not knowing how.   

This visualization worked so well for me, I now take all my clients through it as well, and I wanted to share it with you...

Feel free to pass it on if you know anyone who might be needing to leave the past behind, because until we fully complete and release our past relationships, we will continue to carry our emotional baggage into the future.

Take your time with this meditation and do it as often as necessary until you feel a sense of completion.

Find a comfortable place to sit and relax.

Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths.

Allow your awareness to rest gently on your heart.

Visualize yourself standing someplace quiet and peaceful.

Now visualize the person you would like to release from the past standing across from you.

You are each holding one end of a cord that runs between you.

This cord represents your attachment to each other and the energetic connection of your relationship.

You can visualize this cord as a golden rope of light, or a piece of heavy white cord, whatever feels right

for you.

Take a few minutes to tell this person anything you need to say to feel complete with the relationship.

You are speaking to this person’s higher self, so whatever you say will be understood.

Visualize them being appreciative of your telling them how you feel and accepting of anything you have to say.

When you feel complete, lovingly tell this person good-bye and thank them for everything you learned

while you were with them.

Very gently set your end of the cord that you were holding down on the ground.  By setting down your end of the cord, you have released your attachment to this person and the relationship completely.

There is no longer any energetic connection between you. 

You can visualize them setting down their end of the cord, or perhaps they have chosen to hang on to their end of the cord, whatever they choose to do in your visualization is fine.

But since you have set down your end of the cord, you are now free of your connection to the past.

Once you have said good-bye and set down the cord, visualize yourself turning and walking towards a beautiful, white light.

Within this beautiful white light is everything you now want to manifest in your life… all your dreams, goals, and desires.

Now that you have released and let go of the past, you are free to walk into this light and know that

everything is there waiting for you.

Your only job now is to feel what it’s like to be surrounded by everything you desire; your dreams are there waiting for you, you just need to open your arms and let them into your life.

The only thing that was holding you back was your attachment to the past.

Now that you’ve let that go, you are free to receive all the good waiting for you now and in the future.

Spend some time thinking about everything that this beautiful white light holds for you.

Write it all down… your ideal relationship and partner, your ideal career and financial resources, your ideal home life, your physical health and well-being.

Tap into the experience of what it would feel like to be living in your ideal life.

Place your hand over your heart and anchor those feelings of joy, happiness, peace, love, success, prosperity... whatever feelings represent your ideal life for you. 

Anytime you start to feel worried, doubtful or insecure, go back to this meditation and visualize yourself again gently putting down the cord to the past and walking towards the light of everything you want in your life.

Every time you do this visualization, you will be freeing yourself more and more from the past, and strengthening your connection to the future, your desires and effortlessly attracting them into your life.

I'd love to hear from you, and as always, if I can support you in any way, please let me know.

Until next time...

With love light and blessings,

Dawn

 

Dawn Allen, M.S.

Love & Law of Attraction Coach

Certified Dream Coach

Certified Passion Test Facilitator

541.608.0508

http://www.InspiredHeartCoaching.com

dawn@inspiredheartcoaching.com

What if love really is all we need?

A very dear friend of mine sent me this video for the Starbucks Love Project.

It's so inspiring I wanted to share it with all of you.

Just think...

What if love really is all we need?

How would we treat each other differently?

Even more importantly,

how would we treat ourselves differently?

Enjoy the day...

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nh7D2g5v-Sg

And remember, you ARE indeed loved.

Until next time...

Dawn