Meet and Marry Mr. Right- Finally Find and Keep the Right Man For You Once and For All- Dawn Allen, Dating and Relationship Advice Expert for Women

Hate Dating? I did too. Here's What I Did...

Have you ever felt like if you had to go on one more dead-end date you were going to just sign off of men for good?  Because staying home alone was infinitely better than being disappointed again?

I used to feel exactly the same way.

I hated dating.

That dreaded “D” word used to evoke all kinds anxiety and insecurity for me.

I always felt awkward and unsure of myself on a date.

I had next-to-no confidence with men.

I didn’t know how to make small talk, nor did I feel particularly charming or funny.

I’m embarrassed to say there were times I actually stayed in relationships that were definitely not in my best interest just so I wouldn’t have to start dating again.

Dating just felt like a lot of work.  And I certainly did my best to avoid it at all costs.

If I met a guy I liked, I’d go from first date to exclusive relationship just because it was a convenient way to not have to date anyone else.

Of course, by having such a negative view about dating I wasn’t giving myself many options when it came to finding the right guy.

After too many years of going from one relationship to another, I knew something had to change.

I searched for answers to my dating dilemma.  Studied everything I could get my hands on about men, dating, love and attraction.

It seemed a stretch, but maybe I could change my pattern of dead-end relatinoship by learning how to date successfully.

Maybe if I did my ground work dating before jumping into a relationship, I might actually be able to FIND and KEEP the right man.

Instead of rushing through the dating process, maybe if I took my time getting to know someone and letting them get to know me, I might find out if a long-term relationship was even possible.

I started to use dating to learn more about myself, to learn more about what I really wanted and needed in a man. 

I learned quickly through lots of trial and error what worked and what didn’t.

Then something unexpected happened.

Not only did dating get easier, it actually got fun.

The more I learned how to date, the more comfortable and relaxed I felt.

My confidence grew.

I attracted a whole different quality of men… men who were successful, emotionally mature and who weren’t interested in playing games.

My entire outlook about dating changed. 

Before, because of my limited views about dating, I had limited my options with men.

But as I expanded my views about dating, I expanded my options with men.

I no longer felt like I had to settle for fear I wouldn’t find anyone else, because I knew there were other wonderful men ready to date.

If one date didn’t work out, I stopped taking it personally and moved on.

Learning to date successfully was the key to finding a great relationship, because I learned so much about myself… and men.

I had so many fun and interesting experiences dating different men… traveled to cities I never would have visited, saw music groups I had never heard before and ate at wonderful restaurants I never knew existed.

I used dating to practice my communication skills and refine my list of what I wanted in a partner.  Creating a list in your head is one thing.  Experiencing what works and what doesn’t first hand is even more powerful.

When I finally let go of my anxiety, expectations and agendas around dating, I opened myself to a whole new world of opportunities and experiences… and wonderful men as well.   You can too.

Dating really can be a fun, if you’re open to it.  It can also lead you straight to your Mr. Right.  And along the way you’ll have some really great experiences that will make the journey fun and the end result even more worthwhile.

If you’ve struggled with dating and dead-end relationships the way I did, do me a favor and reply to this email and let me know your biggest frustrations and challenges.  If you’ve got a specific question, include that too and I’ll answer it in an upcoming newsletter.

Until then,

With love, light and blessings,
Dawn

Here's How to Find a Man You Can Trust...

Have you ever been in a relationship where you were really getting close to a man, but for whatever reason you started to get scared?  And the more scared you got, the more you did things that messed up the relationship… like acting clingy or needy?

That used to be a recurring theme for me in my relationships…

I’d meet a great guy.  We’d start to get close.  But the more involved we got, the more I’d get this yucky nervous feeling inside me.

I’d wonder about whether or not I could trust him.  Start to think maybe things weren’t really progressing as I thought they were.

I’d feel more and more insecure.

Every time he didn’t call when I thought he should, it was another piece of evidence to prove to me he couldn’t be trusted.

And gradually I’d start to shut down my feelings, which then made me feel even more insecure.  And trust him even less.

My continued insecure behavior just pushed him further and further away.

And sure enough, what would happen?

The thing I most feared most, the relationship would end.

Guys can sense distrust and insecurity in women from a mile away, because we start putting out desperate, needy, clingy energy.  It feels icky to us and even ickier to them.

But why did I feel so insecure when in truth the guy hadn’t really done anything wrong?
 
Because what was really going on under the surface of my insecurity was a lack of trust towards men, which actually had nothing to do with the men in my life and EVERYTHING to do with ME.

Of course the fact that I felt so insecure made me attract men who just mirrored those feelings and exasperated the problem.

After a TON of work on myself, I finally realized it wasn’t just my lack of trust towards men that brought out my feelings of insecurity, it was that I didn’t trust myself.

Intimacy in a relationship can trigger all our fears of rejection, abandonment and loss.  It certainly did mine.

If deep down we have doubts about our self-worth, or we feel there are parts of ourselves that are unacceptable, we will fear being judged by our partner… the way we judge ourselves.  And then we will more than likely attract someone who will mirror those same thoughts about us.

Relationships are the greatest mirror in the world for what’s going on inside of us.

We can try and fool ourselves thinking it’s all about the other person, but our greatest barometer of what’s really going on inside is by what’s showing up on the outside.

When I started studying my own relationship patterns, the greatest challenge I had was learning to accept responsibility for what I was creating.

But it was also the only way I was ever going to change things.

Once I changed the inside, what I attracted and created on the outside changed too.

I had to learn how to trust myself and my feelings… to learn self-acceptance, which allowed my self-worth and self-esteem to grow.

But as I learned, a new confidence emerged.  I became much more comfortable letting myself be intimate and vulnerable with a man and sharing my feelings.

As I learned to trust myself, I learned to trust men.  And the men I attracted were trustworthy and appreciated my vulnerability.

I learned how to let go and stop trying to control everything so I could feel safe.  I learned how to stop second-guessing what was going on in the relationship and trying to project into the future.

The truth is that deep intimacy, trust and closeness require risk.  Love requires us to risk possible rejection and loss.

But self-acceptance, self-esteem and self-love give us the courage to take those risks.  And when we learn to trust ourselves, we make better choices about who to take those risks with.

We find men worthy of our trust and our love.  And we get to reap the rewards of having the wonderful, nourishing, intimate relationship with a man we’ve always wanted.

And which YOU so richly deserve.

Until next time,

With love, light and blessings,
Dawn

P.S.  If you’ve been in a relationship where you felt insecure, it can be scary to start looking at why you feel that way, but I’m here to help you every step of the way.  If you have questions, concerns or comments that you’re willing to share, just post it on my blog and I’ll answer them in my next post to support you in every way I can.

Waiting for Mr. Right? Don't Settle for Mr. Almost-Right

I heard a story the other day about how we get
what we think we deserve in life.  It reminded me
that we also get what we think we deserve in
relationships.  See if you agree…

Dogs love bones.  Right?

Yes.  But what dogs REALLY love is steak.

They settle for bones, because that’s usually all
they can get.

But if you throw out a bone AND a piece of steak,
they will go for the steak every time.

So why do they settle for bones instead of waiting
for steak?

Well, because they’re dogs and not in charge of
their lives.

But WE are not dogs.

Yet how many times do we settle for bones, instead
of waiting for steak?

When I was dating I always tried to stay very
open-minded.  I was willing to give any new guy a
chance if I was somewhat attracted to him.  That
was a good thing.

The problem was I wasn’t always willing to look
beyond the attraction and see that he didn’t
necessarily have the important qualities I was
looking for in a partner, like commitment or
emotional availability.

I would look for the best and the brightest in a
guy, ignore the things that weren’t working and
try to convince myself that I could live without
the qualities he didn’t have or that maybe things
would change down the line.

If the chemistry was great and I saw a glimmer of
potential in the relationship, I stayed. 

Truthfully, it was just easier to be content with
what I had than to venture into being alone again.
 And part of me thought, maybe this was the best I
could do.

I would squash any doubts or concerns thinking,
“Well, I can’t look for perfection… he’s got some
good qualities and we have so much chemistry
together that maybe if I just give it more time…”


I rationalized.  I made excuses. 

Ultimately the relationship would end.

Either I would leave because it became too
draining for me to keep pretending the
relationship was going somewhere when it really
wasn’t.  Or, the non-committal man I was seeing
would end it because I felt so insecure I’d become
increasingly needy and dependent.
 
Ah, the grief, the anguish I would have saved had
I just not been so willing to settle for bones.

But at the time, I wasn’t sure steak even
existed... or if it did, if I really deserved it.

Unfortunately, the Universe can only give us what
we feel we deserve.  It simply mirrors what we’re
feeling about ourselves.

When I finally cared enough about myself to honor
what I truly wanted and needed in a partner, AND
believed I deserved it, the Universe responded in
kind and magically brought me the right man.

But first I had to be willing to say NO to what I
knew in my heart wasn’t right for me, so I could
say YES to what was.

I had to stop settling for bones. 

If you’ve ever settled for bones, instead of
waiting for steak… here’s what to do.

Have clarity about what you want and what’s truly
important to you.  Don’t settle for less thinking
he’s better than no man at all.

This isn’t about looking for perfection.  It IS
about waiting for what is perfect for YOU.

There has to be a space in your life for your soul
mate to come in. 

Being in a mediocre relationship that doesn’t
fulfill you is just taking up that prime soul mate
space.

If you have settled in the past, then now’s the
time to change.

Look back on some of your previous relationships.
Why they ultimately came to an end?

Were there emotional highs and lows because you
were always guessing about his feelings for you?
Was there a lack of openness and honesty?  An
inability to communicate?  Perhaps you wanted a
long-term commitment but he didn’t?

The clues that these problems existed were
probably there in the beginning of the
relationship.

For me the warning signs were there, I just chose
not to see them.

You deserve the RIGHT man for you.  Be willing to
wait for him and not settle for less. 

He is out there.  He IS worth waiting for and so
are YOU.
 
YOU are worth it.

Please remember that.

Until next time,

With love, light and blessings,

Dawn

Attracting Your Soul Mate- Here's Step One...

I really love roses.  One of the great things about summer... even when it's blazing hot outside like it is this today, the roses are still blooming like crazy.

I try to always have a bouquet of roses in the house, whether they're from our yard or I'm fortunate enough to receive them from the man in my life.  For me, they are such a beautiful reminder of the celebration of love.

A big key in manifesting love in your life is that you first have to give yourself the love you deserve and desire, before you can attract it in a partner and relationship.

Our lives and relationships are just a mirror for what's going on inside of us.  So if you value yourself and your desires, your life and your relationships will reflect back to you everything you desire.

Unfortunately, the reverse is true as well.  If you're not valuing yourself and your desires, that will be reflected as well.  I've written extensively about the importance of loving and valuing yourself.

But it's also important to get really clear about what it is you want.

Having done more free sessions these past two weeks than I can count, one of the first things we talked about in most of the sessions was what each person really wanted in a partner and relationship.

Since I didn't have time to write an article this week, instead I have a fun little exercise for you to do that will help you take Step #1 in manifesting your soul mate... getting really, really clear about what you want.

There are two things the Universe really loves.  Clarity and inspired action.  This week we'll talk about clarity.  Next week inspired action.   See below to get started... :-)

The Soul Mate 100 List...

Okay, you've done lots of work on trying to manifest your soul mate.

But have you gotten clear about what you want?  I mean REALLY clear.

One thing I noticed when I was dating.  Even though I had made my list of the things I wanted in a partner, when I was really dating a lot, I got even clearer.  Partially because I was also discovering a lot about what I didn't want.  But that just made it easier to know what I DID want. :-)

So, although you may have made your list of what you want in a partner before, I'm going to ask you to do it again this week.

And here's what I want you to do differently...

I want you to make a list of 100 things you want in a partner and in your relationship.

Now 100 things may seem like a lot, but there are a number of things I think we often forget to include when we're making out list.

So answer these questions and I think it will help...

=>  First, describe your ideal partner.  What qualities would you like him to have... physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually?  What kind of behavior, values and morals would you like in a partner?

=>  Second, describer your ideal relationship with your partner.  What types of things would you like to do?  How would you like the relationship to be?  Do you want companionship?  A playmate?  A partner in life forever?  A father for your children?  Do you want to spend lots of time together?  Or are you content with less time but more quality time when you are together?

=>  Third, and perhaps most importantly, how do you want to feel in this relationship and with your partner?  How do you want to be?  Do you want to feel cherished, adored and treasured?  Is it important that you feel respected, appreciated and supported? 

Really take some time to think about how you want to feel in this relationship because it is our feelings that attract what we want more than anything else.

If you can get clear about what you want and then step into the feeling of what it would be like to have it, you'll attract it... as long as you really feel inside that you deserve it.

Ready to Find Your Soul Mate? Here's How to Take Inspired Action...

In my twenties, I was living a pretty great life in Los Angeles.  I had a job I loved that paid me well.  I lived in a beautiful apartment, had a nice car and was pretty much enjoying life as a single girl.

However, as I approached 27, I was feeling ready to settle down and get married.  I had dated a lot of different men, and it had really helped me figure out my likes and dislikes.  But even though I was very happy on my own, I was ready for a more serious relationship.

I knew what I wanted… a single, successful man who could make me laugh and was ready to get married.  My mother always said, ‘Marry someone who will make you laugh.  It makes life easier when you can laugh about things together.’

At the time, I was working for a large pension plan administration company.  Part of my job included calculating pension benefits due participants when a plan was terminated.

As I was working on one rather difficult and complicated pension plan, I noticed we had two different birth dates in our records for one participant.  Depending on which birth date I used, it made a substantial difference in his payout.

Normally I would have called the on-site administrator at the company for the correct information.  I tried never to have direct communication with the participants.  They inevitably ended up asking way too many questions about when they’d be getting their money and how much they’d be receiving.

But that day I decided to pick up the phone and call the participant directly.  I was eager to complete the final calculations and this one discrepancy was holding everything up.

I called the participant, Scott, around 8:30am that morning.  I assumed it was his work phone number we had in the file.  I didn’t realize it was his home number until he answered and it was obvious I had woke him up. 

I apologized for calling so early, explained who I was, why I was calling and could he please clarify his date of birth for me.

Scott answered very graciously even though I had dragged him out of bed.  I realized we had done his calculations with the incorrect birth date.  I told him his original amount was wrong, and I would have to recalculate his payout and call him back with the corrected figure.

A few hours later, I called with his new payout which was about $10,000 higher than his previous amount.

He jokingly said, “I think I love you.  Will you marry me?” 

A bouquet of flowers arrived that afternoon with a thank you note attached from him. 

It turned out, not only was Scott 36 and single, he was also talented, funny, smart and successful.  Being in the film industry, he had recently decided to stop dating flaky-Hollywood type girls because he was ready to settle down and get married.

We were married 8 months later.

He was the perfect man for me at that time in my life.  He was generous, treated me wonderfully and to this day, he still makes me laugh.

The beauty of inspired action is when you’re clear about what you want and not coming from a place of need or desperation, it feels natural, easy and effortless.

I had calculated pension benefits for hundreds of clients in that job, many of whom had discrepancies in their information that I needed to verify, but Scott was the only one I ever called directly.

Why?  It was inspired action.

I knew what I wanted, but I was also happy with my life the way it was, so I was unattached as to how and when what I wanted was going to show up.

My dear friend, Arielle Ford, says it’s when you have this really great life going on that your soul mate shows up when you least expect it.

On your journey to love, let go of any doubts, fears or limiting beliefs about what’s possible for you.  Be unattached to the how, when and where of your soul mate showing up.

Focus on getting that really great life going on for yourself. 

When you’re clear about what you want and ready for it to manifest, your only job is to listen carefully for those inspired actions… and then take them!  You’ll be amazed at the miracles that happen for you.

And you deserve them.

Love- What Does It Mean To You?

Not long ago, my boyfriend and I were

having a conversation about

our previous relationships.

 

Well, actually, to be more specific,

MY previous relationships since I have

... uh, a few in my past.  My boyfriend

was married for 19 years before his

divorce 9 years ago, so his list is a

tad bit shorter :-)

 

He asked what Love is to me now…

I couldn’t come up with an immediate

answer.  But after giving it some thought,

I came up with a few ideas.

 

So, in honor of Valentine’s Day,

here are some thoughts on Love,

and I'd love to hear yours as well.

 

Love means…

trust, acceptance, respect and appreciation,

those are the 4 biggies.

 

Love is…

the willingness to grow and be there for

someone, while also realizing that the goal

is not to ‘arrive’ somewhere in the future,

but to be fully present and appreciative

of where you are right now.

 

Love is…

an action and very often a choice.

And the goal is not to ‘fall in love,’ but to

‘grow in love,’ so you can become more of

who you are, not less.

 

Love…

should never make you feel like you are

‘less than’, but ‘more than’.  It should feel

expansive, not constrictive and restrictive.

 

Love is…

about looking for and seeing the best in

someone, even at times when they may

not be able to see it for themselves.

 

Love…

and fear can’t exist together, so I think love

is about letting go of fear and learning to trust.

 

And here’s the biggest thing I’ve learned about

Love…

you can only give Love to someone else,

when you’ve learned how to give it to yourself.

 

When you’ve learned to really trust, respect and

be honest with yourself, only then can you offer

those same things to someone else.

 

Only then can you make really wise choices

about the people you choose to be with in

your life, because those choices are based

in trust, respect and honesty with yourself,

and not based in fear.

 

I don’t know that earlier in my life,

I was completely conscious of the choices I made

about partners BEFORE I made them and why.

 

In part because I hadn’t taken the time to really

know myself and figure out what I wanted and why. 

 

So that’s my definition for Love.

 

And the best part is I realize that every single

experience I’ve had has allowed me to finally

learn all these things about myself, who I am

and what Love is to me.

 

Now that I can look back on every experience

I’ve had with love and appreciation for what it

taught me, I can look at the present and the future

with only love in my heart.

 

And ya know, that just really feels good.

 

I’d love to know what Love is to you…

 

My Valentine’s wish for you is that

whatever you do and whoever you’re with,

you treat yourself like the best Valentine

in the world… because you are.

 

And that’s what Love is really all about...

loving and appreciating who you are,

just as you are,

so you can share your wonderful self

with someone else.

 

With love, light and blessings,

 

Dawn

 

Relationship Fears- Now that my house has burned down...

 There’s wonderful Zen maxim that says, “Now that my house has burned down, I have a much better view of the sky.”

It made me laugh out loud the first time I read it.

Then I started to think about how well it described something that happened not long ago in my relationship with the man I’m involved with.

Our relationship was going along wonderfully.

Then something between us changed.

At the time, I couldn’t really put my finger on what it was.

But I started feeling insecure and fearful.

Looking back, I now see it was because I was becoming very attached to the outcome of our relationship and had some pretty clear expectations.

Even coaches make mistakes. :-)

And, of course, my greatest fear was realized shortly thereafter. 

The man I was involved with stopped calling.  Big surprise.

We attract what we think about and what we’re feeling, good or bad, right or wrong, that’s just the way it is.

Days ticked by and I had no idea what had happened other than it had felt awkward the last time we had seen each other.

I was confused.

Over the next couple of weeks, I did a lot of soul searching, letting go and finally came to a place of peace

about what felt like the end of our relationship.

I eventually sent him a very short email saying I hoped he was well and that perhaps the next time he was out he could drop off the dishes I had given him from the last time I made him dinner.

He emailed me back almost immediately saying not only did he want to deliver my dishes, but he really wanted to talk to me in person, if I was open to it.

I agreed, although I felt slightly nervous about seeing him again after basically no contact for 2 ½ weeks.

I decided to let go of any expectations and let him take the lead with everything.

He came over that same night and as soon I saw him, I completely relaxed, because he was clearly happy to see me.

He took me out for a drink, and we chatted about everything we’d been doing over the last couple of weeks.  Nothing serious.

After he brought me home, he asked if we could talk, because he really wanted to explain what had happened over the last couple of weeks.

For the next hour, he tried to put into words why he hadn’t called me.  He admitted he didn’t really understand why he hadn’t been in touch, because he really enjoyed being with me.

He said things just started to feel different.  He was right.

Our fears and expectations about the relationship were making us both feel uncomfortable and uneasy, we

just didn’t realize it at the time.

He said there was a part of him that felt like he needed to know all the answers about our future, and because he didn’t, he withdrew.

I told him not only did he not need to know all the answers, but that I was happy to just be with him now.

We both relaxed and by letting go of our expectations, we were able to communicate freely with each other.

He mentioned that before what we now refer to as The Break in our relationship, it felt like there was a

sense of urgency.  Very true.

All the unspoken expectations we had and projections about the future not only created a sense of urgency, but brought up all our fears and insecurities as well, mine especially.

But once ‘the house burned down,’ and all the fears were brought to light, we were able to release them so we could have a ‘better view of the sky’ and relax into just enjoying each other and our wonderful relationship now, instead of being so focused on what was or wasn’t going to happen in the future.

I have a new appreciation for him that wasn’t there before.

And even though, I’m more in love with him than I ever was, I’m no longer projecting into the future and trying to figure everything out.

And neither is he.

We are completely happy to be together and allow things to unfold, trusting that fate brought us back together for a reason.

He jokingly says I should advise all my clients to take a 2 ½ week break in their relationships so they can come back together with a renewed appreciation for each other. :-)

Hmmmm.  Maybe.

My wish for you is that your house won’t ever have to burn down in order for you to have a better view of the sky.

Release your fears.

Trust the Universe.

Enjoy the present.

And relax into well-being.

 

Until next time...

With love, light and blessings,

Dawn

What Is Your Life Reflecting Back To You?

Click this audio button to hear this week's article.

A few years ago, I read a story about Deepak Chopra in Joe Vitale's book, The Key, that left a huge impact on me. In his seminars and books, Deepak talks about all of life being a mirror and constantly reflecting back our own beliefs. If there are elements in another person that really anger or upset you, most likely, those are the same elements you have in yourself that you don't like.

In this story, Deepak was talking about a woman who came up to him at one of his seminars and really pushed his buttons. He thought this woman was rude, impatient, and obnoxious. He had a whole list of things.

Later he thought, Wait a minute, I should take my own teachings to heart. So he wrote down all the elements that he saw in the other person he didnt like. Then he called his publicist and said, Im going to read a list of these traits to you, and I want you to tell me if I have these. He listed them all, like obnoxious, rude, and impatient. He went through the whole list, and he said the other side of the phone was dead quiet for a long time. He thought, "Oh, no," and he decided to check with his wife.

He then read the same list to her. The silence on the other side of the phone was even longer this time than it had been with his publicist. The point being those elements he didn't like in the other person were the ones that he didn't like in himself.

After reading this story, I made a list of all the things that were triggering reactions in me about my ex-husband. I discovered the judgments and beliefs I was carrying around towards him were mirroring the beliefs I actually had about myself.

I blamed him for being unsupportive and critical of me, for not believing in me, for not caring about my happiness or success. But the truth was, deep down not only was I was not supportive of him, I was not supportive of myself. I didnt believe in myself. I wasn't committed to my own happiness or success. I didnt believe I deserved anything better.

I was so busy trying to jump around and make everyone else happy I lost myself in the process. Underneath all the anger and blame I directed towards others, I was deeply critical and angry with myself for not taking a stand for my own happiness and fulfillment. My life mirrored my lack of belief in myself.

I attached my self-worth and self-esteem to things, people, and circumstances outside myself. Rather than trusting and believing in myself, I was always looking for answers in yet another book, another degree, the next new seminar, or in my relationship with another person.

It wasn't until I discovered what was underneath my reactions to other people, that I was able to take responsibility for all the parts of myself I had disowned. Doing so not only transformed me, but all my relationships as well.

In The Dark Side of the Light Chasers, Debbie Ford said When we are willing to open our hearts to all that exists, and start looking for the good rather than the bad in everything, we will see God. We will see love. Remembering we are the ones choosing what we see is essential. On some level, we ask for all the lessons we learn in this lifetime. Every incident, no matter how horrible, has a gift for you. And if you get your gift then I will get mine, for I am you and you are me in the world of the spirit.

Your Assignment: Look at an aspect of someone that triggers an emotional reaction in you. Is there any place where you might have that same quality?

Is there something that you dislike in other people that you might also dislike in yourself? If that part of you had a potential gift to share, what would it be? What could it be here to teach you?

Only by accepting ourselves without judgment and blame can we uncover all the gifts we have to share with the world. Love all aspects of yourself fully. Your life and everyone in it will reflect back that same love.

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If you would like support in moving past the beliefs that are holding you back from living a life you love, send me an email.  When you don't have to do it all yourself, all things are possible for you.  We will work together to transform your pain into power; move beyond fear, resentment and other sabotaging emotions; rebuild your self-respect, self-confidence, and self-love to healing; and reinventing your life filled with love and inspiration.

Contact me today... I'd love to talk.

What Do Men Really Want?

Click this audio button to hear this week's article.

 

I've asked my male clients this question.  I've gotten some great answers, which truthfully, surprised me at times.

From what I've learned listening to men, one of the biggest things men want is a woman who is confident and comfortable with herself.  When a woman is confident and comfortable in her own skin, she is able to give her attention to the man she is with, rather than worrying constantly about herself.

Men want to be with a woman who knows how to listen and be present with them, and isn't silently comparing them to an internal agenda she might have.  If a woman knows how to relax, be herself, and have a good time with a man, he will adore her for it.

Men really do want to make women happy.  If they think they're succeeding in that endeavor and being appreciated for their efforts, they'll try that much harder to make the woman happy and feel very drawn to be around her all the more.

Men want women who are interested in them and their lives.  If a woman talks incessantly about how miserable her ex was or about all the things that are going wrong in her life, a man is going to feel like no matter what he does, he's going to have a difficult time making her happy.

Men love feeling connected to a woman.  In today's world, we have so few times to actually make real connections with people, that when we do, it can be very powerful.  All making a real connection takes is for a woman to be able to listen, pay attention to the man she's with, and be interested.  If she can also enjoy herself in the process, be lighthearted and having a good time, men will think she's fabulous.

Of course, men like women who look nice, because men are very visual creatures.  But it's more about a woman looking like she's put a little bit of effort into looking nice for the man she's with, rather than any huge gestures.  Most men don't particularly need or want an extremely glamorous woman.  They just want someone who's attractive and knows how to take care of herself.

Men don't require a lot from women in order for them to be happy, because much of their masculine happiness comes from making the woman in their life happy.  If a man knows he's doing that, and that the woman appreciates it, that's what a man really wants.

The 3 Secrets to Magically Magnetize Men

Have you ever noticed how easy it is for some women to attract men into their lives, while others seem to sit around by themselves a lot?

For many years, I was one of those sitting around a lot. I just didn’t understand what some women seemed to know instinctively. Then gradually, with a lot of intention on creating something different in my love life, I learned some of those secrets that seemed to come so naturally to other women.

Here are three of the biggest secrets I learned on how to magically magnetize men…

Secret #1: Be deeply interested. I’ve had at least three clients tell me over the past few weeks that they didn’t know how to flirt, or start a conversation with a man. Here’s the great news, it’s as simple as asking a question.

For those of you who know me personally, it may come as a surprise that I grew up painfully shy. To the point where a good number of my classmates thought I was stuck-up, because I never said anything. It was actually just that I was terribly shy, and afraid of talking to people I didn’t know very well.

After years of struggling in relationships, I made the decision to do something about it, and read a book on overcoming shyness. Although reading the book helped me, what helped me even more was a conversation I had with my mother. One time, I was very stressed about going on a date with a new guy. I asked my mother for some advice. Now, you have to understand that my mother is the ultimate social queen. She loves to entertain and throw parties. She loves being around people. And men have always loved her. When she gave me advice about how to make conversation on a date, I listened.

I remember her saying very matter-of-factly, that making conversation was easy. All I had to do was ask questions. And it worked. It worked then, and it still works today. The best part was it took all the pressure off me to carry the conversation. Instead of trying to be clever or interesting, I just relaxed, and was interested in the man I was with. Not only did the man adore the fact that I showed such an interest in him, but it also gave me the opportunity to really discover if this was a man that I wanted to spend time with again, or not.

The next time you’re on a date, be interested and curious. Come from a place of wanting to understand and connect. You’ll have found the secret to having a man want to understand you, which leads me to the next secret.

Secret #2: Be a great listener. Nothing stands out in a man’s mind more than a woman who can listen. It instantly makes him want to learn more about you. True listening is becoming a lost art in our fast-paced society. When you take the time to really listen to a man, he will take notice and remember.

The other great thing about listening and being interested, is that it keeps you present, and that is my final secret.

Secret #3: Be present and in the moment. The quality of being present is irresistible to men, and truthfully, to anyone you’re having a conversation with. In our culture of constant multitasking, it’s very rare that anyone actually stops what they’re doing, gives you their undivided attention, and listens fully to what you’re saying. It is a gift.

I once dated a man who would say to me, each time I called, “Hold on. Before you begin, let me close my computer screen and turn on my answering machine. Talking to you is more important, and I want to give you my full attention.” Every time we spoke, I felt special. Even more importantly, I felt heard.

I learned a lot from my mother and from that man I dated. Being interested, listening, and staying present are three huge factors in any successful relationship, but especially in your relationship with a man.

If you give him these three gifts, they will return to you multiplied. You’ll have a man who is magnetically drawn to you… and can’t wait to see you again.

Until then, I wish you a wonderful week filled with love, light, and blessings of abundance,

  

Dawn Allen, CDC, CPTF
Love & Attraction Expert, Relationship Coach, and 
Founder of Inspired Heart Coaching
"Helping you create the relationship of your dreams... "