Meet and Marry Mr. Right- Finally Find and Keep the Right Man For You Once and For All- Dawn Allen, Dating and Relationship Advice Expert for Women

Here's How to Find a Man You Can Trust...

Have you ever been in a relationship where you were really getting close to a man, but for whatever reason you started to get scared?  And the more scared you got, the more you did things that messed up the relationship… like acting clingy or needy?

That used to be a recurring theme for me in my relationships…

I’d meet a great guy.  We’d start to get close.  But the more involved we got, the more I’d get this yucky nervous feeling inside me.

I’d wonder about whether or not I could trust him.  Start to think maybe things weren’t really progressing as I thought they were.

I’d feel more and more insecure.

Every time he didn’t call when I thought he should, it was another piece of evidence to prove to me he couldn’t be trusted.

And gradually I’d start to shut down my feelings, which then made me feel even more insecure.  And trust him even less.

My continued insecure behavior just pushed him further and further away.

And sure enough, what would happen?

The thing I most feared most, the relationship would end.

Guys can sense distrust and insecurity in women from a mile away, because we start putting out desperate, needy, clingy energy.  It feels icky to us and even ickier to them.

But why did I feel so insecure when in truth the guy hadn’t really done anything wrong?
 
Because what was really going on under the surface of my insecurity was a lack of trust towards men, which actually had nothing to do with the men in my life and EVERYTHING to do with ME.

Of course the fact that I felt so insecure made me attract men who just mirrored those feelings and exasperated the problem.

After a TON of work on myself, I finally realized it wasn’t just my lack of trust towards men that brought out my feelings of insecurity, it was that I didn’t trust myself.

Intimacy in a relationship can trigger all our fears of rejection, abandonment and loss.  It certainly did mine.

If deep down we have doubts about our self-worth, or we feel there are parts of ourselves that are unacceptable, we will fear being judged by our partner… the way we judge ourselves.  And then we will more than likely attract someone who will mirror those same thoughts about us.

Relationships are the greatest mirror in the world for what’s going on inside of us.

We can try and fool ourselves thinking it’s all about the other person, but our greatest barometer of what’s really going on inside is by what’s showing up on the outside.

When I started studying my own relationship patterns, the greatest challenge I had was learning to accept responsibility for what I was creating.

But it was also the only way I was ever going to change things.

Once I changed the inside, what I attracted and created on the outside changed too.

I had to learn how to trust myself and my feelings… to learn self-acceptance, which allowed my self-worth and self-esteem to grow.

But as I learned, a new confidence emerged.  I became much more comfortable letting myself be intimate and vulnerable with a man and sharing my feelings.

As I learned to trust myself, I learned to trust men.  And the men I attracted were trustworthy and appreciated my vulnerability.

I learned how to let go and stop trying to control everything so I could feel safe.  I learned how to stop second-guessing what was going on in the relationship and trying to project into the future.

The truth is that deep intimacy, trust and closeness require risk.  Love requires us to risk possible rejection and loss.

But self-acceptance, self-esteem and self-love give us the courage to take those risks.  And when we learn to trust ourselves, we make better choices about who to take those risks with.

We find men worthy of our trust and our love.  And we get to reap the rewards of having the wonderful, nourishing, intimate relationship with a man we’ve always wanted.

And which YOU so richly deserve.

Until next time,

With love, light and blessings,
Dawn

P.S.  If you’ve been in a relationship where you felt insecure, it can be scary to start looking at why you feel that way, but I’m here to help you every step of the way.  If you have questions, concerns or comments that you’re willing to share, just post it on my blog and I’ll answer them in my next post to support you in every way I can.

Waiting for Mr. Right? Don't Settle for Mr. Almost-Right

I heard a story the other day about how we get
what we think we deserve in life.  It reminded me
that we also get what we think we deserve in
relationships.  See if you agree…

Dogs love bones.  Right?

Yes.  But what dogs REALLY love is steak.

They settle for bones, because that’s usually all
they can get.

But if you throw out a bone AND a piece of steak,
they will go for the steak every time.

So why do they settle for bones instead of waiting
for steak?

Well, because they’re dogs and not in charge of
their lives.

But WE are not dogs.

Yet how many times do we settle for bones, instead
of waiting for steak?

When I was dating I always tried to stay very
open-minded.  I was willing to give any new guy a
chance if I was somewhat attracted to him.  That
was a good thing.

The problem was I wasn’t always willing to look
beyond the attraction and see that he didn’t
necessarily have the important qualities I was
looking for in a partner, like commitment or
emotional availability.

I would look for the best and the brightest in a
guy, ignore the things that weren’t working and
try to convince myself that I could live without
the qualities he didn’t have or that maybe things
would change down the line.

If the chemistry was great and I saw a glimmer of
potential in the relationship, I stayed. 

Truthfully, it was just easier to be content with
what I had than to venture into being alone again.
 And part of me thought, maybe this was the best I
could do.

I would squash any doubts or concerns thinking,
“Well, I can’t look for perfection… he’s got some
good qualities and we have so much chemistry
together that maybe if I just give it more time…”


I rationalized.  I made excuses. 

Ultimately the relationship would end.

Either I would leave because it became too
draining for me to keep pretending the
relationship was going somewhere when it really
wasn’t.  Or, the non-committal man I was seeing
would end it because I felt so insecure I’d become
increasingly needy and dependent.
 
Ah, the grief, the anguish I would have saved had
I just not been so willing to settle for bones.

But at the time, I wasn’t sure steak even
existed... or if it did, if I really deserved it.

Unfortunately, the Universe can only give us what
we feel we deserve.  It simply mirrors what we’re
feeling about ourselves.

When I finally cared enough about myself to honor
what I truly wanted and needed in a partner, AND
believed I deserved it, the Universe responded in
kind and magically brought me the right man.

But first I had to be willing to say NO to what I
knew in my heart wasn’t right for me, so I could
say YES to what was.

I had to stop settling for bones. 

If you’ve ever settled for bones, instead of
waiting for steak… here’s what to do.

Have clarity about what you want and what’s truly
important to you.  Don’t settle for less thinking
he’s better than no man at all.

This isn’t about looking for perfection.  It IS
about waiting for what is perfect for YOU.

There has to be a space in your life for your soul
mate to come in. 

Being in a mediocre relationship that doesn’t
fulfill you is just taking up that prime soul mate
space.

If you have settled in the past, then now’s the
time to change.

Look back on some of your previous relationships.
Why they ultimately came to an end?

Were there emotional highs and lows because you
were always guessing about his feelings for you?
Was there a lack of openness and honesty?  An
inability to communicate?  Perhaps you wanted a
long-term commitment but he didn’t?

The clues that these problems existed were
probably there in the beginning of the
relationship.

For me the warning signs were there, I just chose
not to see them.

You deserve the RIGHT man for you.  Be willing to
wait for him and not settle for less. 

He is out there.  He IS worth waiting for and so
are YOU.
 
YOU are worth it.

Please remember that.

Until next time,

With love, light and blessings,

Dawn

Ready to Find Your Soul Mate? Here's How to Take Inspired Action...

In my twenties, I was living a pretty great life in Los Angeles.  I had a job I loved that paid me well.  I lived in a beautiful apartment, had a nice car and was pretty much enjoying life as a single girl.

However, as I approached 27, I was feeling ready to settle down and get married.  I had dated a lot of different men, and it had really helped me figure out my likes and dislikes.  But even though I was very happy on my own, I was ready for a more serious relationship.

I knew what I wanted… a single, successful man who could make me laugh and was ready to get married.  My mother always said, ‘Marry someone who will make you laugh.  It makes life easier when you can laugh about things together.’

At the time, I was working for a large pension plan administration company.  Part of my job included calculating pension benefits due participants when a plan was terminated.

As I was working on one rather difficult and complicated pension plan, I noticed we had two different birth dates in our records for one participant.  Depending on which birth date I used, it made a substantial difference in his payout.

Normally I would have called the on-site administrator at the company for the correct information.  I tried never to have direct communication with the participants.  They inevitably ended up asking way too many questions about when they’d be getting their money and how much they’d be receiving.

But that day I decided to pick up the phone and call the participant directly.  I was eager to complete the final calculations and this one discrepancy was holding everything up.

I called the participant, Scott, around 8:30am that morning.  I assumed it was his work phone number we had in the file.  I didn’t realize it was his home number until he answered and it was obvious I had woke him up. 

I apologized for calling so early, explained who I was, why I was calling and could he please clarify his date of birth for me.

Scott answered very graciously even though I had dragged him out of bed.  I realized we had done his calculations with the incorrect birth date.  I told him his original amount was wrong, and I would have to recalculate his payout and call him back with the corrected figure.

A few hours later, I called with his new payout which was about $10,000 higher than his previous amount.

He jokingly said, “I think I love you.  Will you marry me?” 

A bouquet of flowers arrived that afternoon with a thank you note attached from him. 

It turned out, not only was Scott 36 and single, he was also talented, funny, smart and successful.  Being in the film industry, he had recently decided to stop dating flaky-Hollywood type girls because he was ready to settle down and get married.

We were married 8 months later.

He was the perfect man for me at that time in my life.  He was generous, treated me wonderfully and to this day, he still makes me laugh.

The beauty of inspired action is when you’re clear about what you want and not coming from a place of need or desperation, it feels natural, easy and effortless.

I had calculated pension benefits for hundreds of clients in that job, many of whom had discrepancies in their information that I needed to verify, but Scott was the only one I ever called directly.

Why?  It was inspired action.

I knew what I wanted, but I was also happy with my life the way it was, so I was unattached as to how and when what I wanted was going to show up.

My dear friend, Arielle Ford, says it’s when you have this really great life going on that your soul mate shows up when you least expect it.

On your journey to love, let go of any doubts, fears or limiting beliefs about what’s possible for you.  Be unattached to the how, when and where of your soul mate showing up.

Focus on getting that really great life going on for yourself. 

When you’re clear about what you want and ready for it to manifest, your only job is to listen carefully for those inspired actions… and then take them!  You’ll be amazed at the miracles that happen for you.

And you deserve them.

Boundaries- They Help You Take a Stand for Your Life & Here's How...

Wow, I had such a great weekend away, but the only problem with going away sometimes?

It’s non-stop action when you get home!  Especially with a 15-year-old-hanging-out-at-home-because-I-can’t-get-a-job-or-drive-yet around.  My lovely structured schedule of work has somehow flown out the window.  Time to put some boundaries back in place :-)

An interesting happens when we start to honor ourselves and put healthy boundaries in place in our relationships.  Sometimes (very often, actually), all hell breaks loose initially from the loud screams of our loved ones, friends or anyone else who is trying to suck our energy away.  This is exactly what happened to me recently (see article below :-).

But something else happens after the initial shock subsides and we prove to the Universe that we really are committed to honoring our time, energy and feelings… magical things start to unfold.

So, in honor of the magical things that have started to happen to me as a result of learning how to create space for myself (my version of ‘boundaries’ since it feels less constricting), I am restructuring my business.

Some of you have mentioned that you would like to work with me privately, but either can’t afford a monthly coaching program or simply aren’t ready to make that kind of financial commitment.

In response, I am now offering individual, 45-minute coaching sessions and the investment for you is just $97.

I’m really excited about this new offering, because it gives me an opportunity to work with more of you more often.  I’ll also have additional time to spend creating books, products and other programs that will support you even more, which I’m eager to do.

If you’re interested in scheduling an individual private session with me, just email dawn@inspiredheartcoaching.com.

And please make sure you read my article today… learning how to honor and value ourselves is paramount not just in attracting the right partner, but in sustaining a magical relationship as well.

But it starts with YOU loving yourself first.

Here’s to a magical and self-honoring week ahead for you…

************************************************

“BOUNDARIES!” Nadia screamed at me in her heavy Eastern European accent.  “You have GOT to learn how to have boundaries or you will never achieve the kind of success you are meant to have in this world.  You have GOT to learn how to say NO in a healthy way, especially to those closest to you and those who are trying to take advantage of your time and energy…”

Okay, Nadia, I get it.  I’ve got to have boundaries.

Nadia is one of the most brilliant people I have ever had the pleasure of working with.

Who is she?

Nadia Tumas is an incredibly gifted and talented hand analyst and life purpose coach.  She recently did a hand analysis for me and helped me discover some pretty amazing things about myself and my life.

Nadia, however, does not mince words.  She cautioned me at the beginning of our session that she ‘tells it like she sees it’ so to speak (according to our hands) and does not hold back from saying the truth that we may not like, but that we need to hear.

I took a deep breath and told her to go for it.  I was ready to hear everything she had to say.

As Nadia proceeded to describe in detail all the positive and not-so-positive aspects of my personality (all of which were unbelievably accurate), she also explained what I needed to do in order to really fulfill my life purpose and potential, which according to her was that of being a successful leading mentor in the spotlight with a message of love for the world.

“Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries,” she kept saying repeatedly.  “Learn to have boundaries or else…”

Okay, so boundaries and saying no to people have never been my strong suit.

It’s much easier for me to say yes and give in to other people’s requests.

The problem with that, of course, is that I end up sacrificing huge amounts of time and energy to things and people that aren’t necessarily supporting my life goals.

It’s not their fault.  They’re just asking.  And people should always feel free to ask.  Or at least I want them to always feel free to ask.
But I should also feel free to say no… and I don’t always feel that way.

There’s a part of me deep down that struggles with saying no to people out of fear of rejection.

And not feeling good enough or worthy enough to put a priority on myself, my feelings and my time.

This has shown up for me time and time again in my life... in my work, in my relationships, in everything.

But in my desire to serve others, I was getting left out.  My needs and desires were getting pushed to the side over and over and over again.

And how can we ever truly serve others if we’re not first serving ourselves?

Eventually we just run out of steam.  Our energy runs dry.

Nadia pointed out to me that my hands were screaming out for help.  My over-giving and self-sacrifice in some of my relationships was leaving me with nothing left to support myself.

How could I move forward in life if I had no energy left for my goals and dreams?

The well was about to run dry.

I looked up at the Mission Statement I had written for my life the year I started coaching five years ago…

I am here to teach love & that we might all know we are loved. 
The path of Spirit is right where we are & our connection to Spirit is there all the time.
Walk down your path & know that you are loved & perfect the way you are.
The answer to everything on this path is love.

But was I really loving myself?

Was I honoring my own Path?

Not so much.

So that day, on the phone with Nadia, I made the commitment that I would start creating space for myself and having healthy boundaries in place in all my relationships.

Honest to goodness no sooner did I get off the phone with Nadia and the first person to call me was my ex-husband, who I’ve had continuing boundary issues with during our entire relationship, but particularly so since we got divorced.

I’m thinking to myself as I’m listening to him… You have GOT to be kidding me?  Really?  Really?   Must I be tested on my commitment to this already?!!!

Can’t I even get a little break or semi-hiatus out of acknowledgment for having made this commitment?

No, I guess not.  Because the first thing my dear ex-husband did was launch into a rendition of “I want you to do this for me…”  And it happened to be something I had already said No to in the past and which he continued to try and guilt me into doing.

And normally, I would have given in… just to done with it.  Even though it wasn’t what I wanted to do.

But Nadia’s voice kept nagging at me in the back of my head… boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.

So… tuh-dah!  I said No for the first time.  I had to say it about 5 different times, 5 different ways and then again in about 4 different emails.  But I stuck to it and kept saying it from a place of love, not anger.

Because when I thought about it, it wasn’t his fault.  I had never shown him anything different other than being someone who would give in… generally out of fear of rejection or anger.

And this No was coming from a place of love for myself… and therefore a place of love for him too.

I just needed to show him a different interaction in our relationship.  One where I was now going to honor my feelings and say no to requests that didn’t feel right.

It took awhile, but he finally got it.  Amazingly, the final communication between us ended from a very loving place for both of us.  That was a first.  And believe me, it did feel like magic.

I hate to say it, but retraining the people in our lives that we want/need/expect to be treated differently, is a lot like retraining dogs.

We don’t have to get mad at a dog for not understanding our new requests.  We just have to be consistent and persistent in what we’re teaching them to do and how we’re training them to treat us.

And we do teach the people in our lives how to treat us.  That is our responsibility, not theirs.

We have to take a stand for ourselves.  But first we have to love ourselves enough to take that stand.

Love yourself enough to take a stand for your life… with everyone in your life.

Multi-tasking- How It Affects Your Relationships

Summer is almost here. I can't believe my 'little' girl, Lina (Angelina), will be taking Driver's Education this summer... yikes! Fortunately, she's learning to drive with our second car, my old Toyota Camry which is in great condition, but still 18 years old... perfect for my young, new driver. :-) The years have certainly flown by and I remember this picture taken of me, my dad and Lina like it was yesterday. I feel incredibly blessed that Lina and I have always had a very close, loving relationship we continue to have to this day. I think part of this comes from the fact that I've learned how to be 'present' when I'm with her... meaning when she talks, I listen and she has my full, undivided attention. I have not always been successful at this in the past, but it's what I strive for now. It's also what I strive for in my other relationships, and I can tell you doing this one thing alone can create magic in your relationships. One of my greatest mentors that I currently work with, Eben Pagan, says one of the biggest things we can do to transform our lives, both personally and professionally, is to stop multi-tasking and just focus on one thing at a time. Whether that's one project we're working on or one person we're talking to, just giving that one thing or person your undivided attention will bring about miraculous changes. As a die-hard former multi-tasker, I can tell you from personal experience he's absolutely right. In honor of my mentor's advice to me, my article this week will give you some great ideas on how to start creating those miraculous changes in your relationships once you stop multi-tasking. :-) Until then, I wish you a week filled with beautiful, life-transforming moments... With love, light and blessings,  Dawn Allen, CDC, CPTF Dating & Relationship Coach for single, smart, successful women Founder of Inspired Heart Coaching "When you're ready to attract the love of your life... " "Are You Multi-tasking Your Relationships Away?"   I spent years as an exceptionally proficient multi-tasker.  Rarely would I actually stop long enough to focus on one thing or one person at a time. My inability to slow down, took its toll on my relationships.  I could never relax, because I was always doing so many things at once and consequently never enjoyed any of them. My daughter never felt like I listened to her because I never gave her my full, undivided attention when she talked to me.  I was always doing at least two things at once. One of the ways we can improve our relationships is to learn how to give our undivided attention to the person we're with. Studies have shown repeatedly it is counter-productive to multi-task and it actually undermines our efficiency.  Even more important is what it does to our relationships.  It's difficult for anyone in our lives to feel our love if we're always distracted. I have been blessed to work with some great teachers and mentors in my career who have not only modeled this skill for me, but taught it to me as well.  One of my dearest teachers was Janet Bray Attwood, co-author of "The Passion Test." The first time I met Janet, along with her co-author and former husband Chris Attwood, was when I took the Passion Test Certification Training.  I spent four days with Janet and Chris learning the Passion Test and the work of Byron Katie. The first thing that impressed me about Janet, besides her incredible loving energy, was when she first walked in from the back of the room, she made her way to each person, in every row, standing in front of them, introducing herself, and shaking their hand. One of Janet's favorite sayings is "The most important person in the world is the one standing in front of you right now."  If you are standing in front of Janet, she makes you feel like the most important person in the world to her. I learned from Janet how to be present and appreciate the person you're with right now.  I learned the value of making other people feel important from another celebrity as well. Years ago, when I worked in Los Angeles, the Academy Award winning actor, Sidney Poitier was one of my clients.  The first time I met Sidney, I was amazed at his ability to make everyone else in the room feel more important than he was.  He was the epitome of charm and graciousness.  If you were with Sidney one on one, he made you feel like there was no place else he'd rather be than standing right there talking to you. When I finally learned how to start being present with what I was doing and who I was with, everything in my life improved, especially my relationships.  My partner, my family, and my friends all felt more loved, appreciated, and respected. Each moment spent with another person is sacred.  If we're too distracted, we'll miss the most meaningful moments in our lives.  Once those moments are gone, they're gone forever. Instead, what if we gave our undivided attention to the person standing in front of us right now?  What if we treated them like the most important person in the world? How would it make them feel?  How would it make you feel?  How would it transform you relationships?  How would it transform your life? Your Assignment:  Take one day and do just one thing at a time.  If you are talking with someone, stop doing everything else and give them your undivided attention.  If you have multiple tasks to do, commit to doing just one thing at a time. You are worth every moment of your life.  Don't let them pass you by. "Life is all memory, except for the one present moment that goes by you so quickly you hardly catch it going." -- Tennessee Williams I wish for you as many magical moments as you can take in this week. And if you'd like some support in creating magic in your life, I'm happy to help you on the journey. Copyright 2010 Dawn Allen WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEBSITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: Dawn Allen, CDC, CPTF, is a Dating & Relationship Coach and founder of Inspired Heart Coaching™. Dawn specializes in helping single women to attract love of their lives and create the deep, magical and loving relationship of their dreams. To learn more about Dawn, visit www.inspiredheartcoaching.com and receive her exclusive, new report, "4 Secrets to Finding Your Soul Mate", when you subscribe to her Ezine, or email her at dawn@inspiredheartcoaching.com. Testimonials   "Dear Dawn, I cannot thank you enough for helping me to get over the last hurdle in manifesting my soul mate! During our very first session you pinpointed exactly what was blocking his arrival, and after only a few sessions with you, I was able to resolve the 'block' and be ready for my soul mate! I am so glad that I heeded the 'signs' I was receiving to seek a life coach, and that I worked with you, Dawn. Your intuition and perceptiveness are priceless. I am sure it is because of the guidance I got from you that my soul mate is NOW with me!! Thank you so very much!!! Much love, Lynn" -Lynn Fletcher, Pennsylvania

3 Clues to Creating Magic in Your Life

Have you ever had one of those weeks where everything just felt magical?

I had one of those last week. You can read more about it in my article below and what I learned about how to consciously create magic in your life instead of just waiting for it to happen accidentally like I did :-)

I am honored, greatly honored, to now be featured on Arielle Ford's website, SoulMateSecret.com, as a referral coach. I am thrilled beyond belief to have this amazing opportunity and the way it literally dropped into my lap is what inspired my article.

I am proudly offering Arielle's Soul Mate Kit and I received Arielle's permission and support to create a new coaching program around the Soul Mate Kit. I couldn't be more excited!

I'm off today to enjoy some glorious spring weather we're having here in Southern Oregon after weeks of cold and rain... the sun is out and the flowers are blooming.

A very dear and wonderful client from Denmark (Thank you, Tine!) sent me this beautiful photograph as a 'thank you' after a coaching session we had this week.
It reminded me of all the magic that exists in our world that can be so easy to overlook sometimes when I get too busy to stop and appreciate it.

My wish for you this week is that you'll remember to look for all the magic that exists in your beautiful world.

And my every day be filled with an abundance of all the love you so deserve.

Feature Article

"3 Clues to Creating Magic in Your Life"

 

I admit it, I have been working like crazy lately.

Since I really love what I do, that's not hard to do. But I have felt like I have been needing to get away for months and just haven't taken the time.

So when the wonderful friend invited me away for the weekend, I took advantage of it. I completely disengaged, relaxed in a beautiful hotel and enjoyed a fabulous weekend for three lovely days.

I got home feeling completely reenergized.

Creating Magic Clue #1: Taking breaks and getting away can have a profoundly positive effect on your energy!

The week after I got home, I had agreed to an interview with Renee Heimerman for her A Bundle of Joy Teleseminar, but I had inadvertently scheduled it for the wrong day on my calendar. I was completely surprised when the email reminder arrived an hour before the teleclass was scheduled to start!

Thankfully I was able to rearrange my schedule and it ended up being one of the best interviews I've done for a long time (you can listen in if you like by clicking here). I finished the interview feeling so appreciative for being able to do what I do.

Creating Magic Clue #2: Sometimes going with the flow, not resisting what 'is' and trusting what the Universe brings to you, allows even more good to flow to you.
A few hours after my interview, I received a personal email from Arielle Ford, creator of the Soul Mate Kit, and one of my most favorite authors.

Arielle said that one of my clients, Lynn Fletcher (you can read her testimonial below) had shared her story of how she found her soul mate, which she attributed to going through Arielle's Soul Mate Kit and her coaching with me.

Lynn had spoken so highly of her work with me that Arielle asked if I would be a referral coach for her, since she doesn't do any private coaching.

After doing the Snoopy-Happy-Dog-Dance around my house, I wrote back that I'd of course be thrilled and honored. We spoke in person shortly thereafter and she gave me her permission to create an exclusive new coaching program around the Soul Mate Kit.

To say I was thrilled, grateful and appreciative for the opportunity to work with her would be an understatement.

Creating Magic Clue #3: Expressing joy and appreciation for what the Universe brings to you and asking for what you want (I asked if I could create the coaching program) brings even more for you to appreciate.

So here are my 3 tips for you to start creating magic in your life:

1.  Take a break and go do something you love when you're feeling stressed or overwhelmed

2.  Don't resist what happens or what you're feeling, but instead try and shift your perception to trusting that it's exactly what is supposed to be happening for your benefit

3.  Express love, joy and appreciation for as many things, people and events in your life as you possibly can... because the more you do, the more the Universe will bring you even more to love and appreciate

I wish for you as many magical moments as you can take in this week. And if you'd like some support in creating magic in your life, I'm happy to help you on the journey.

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” - Buddha

 

Copyright 2010 Dawn Allen

Taking Things Personally? Here's How to Stop... :-)

Okay, I admit it.  I still have times when I struggle to NOT take things personally.

Which means, of course, that, yes, even though I know better, I still have those moments when I DO take things personally.

Ugh.

There’s a wonderful quote from Dr. Patricia Allen, that brings me some reprieve…

“We are all broken in one way or another, and we must learn to accept the broken aspect in order to love.”

Not just in order to love another, but in order to love ourselves too.

I’ve noticed that when I’m feeling frustrated or angry, I tend to start judging myself I start thinking, "I shouldn't feel this way."

But the more I judge myself for what I’m feeling, the more contracted I feel, and the more I shut down.

What we resist persists.

The more I try to force myself into feeling better, the more I try to jump to the nearest distraction to avoid the feeling altogether or I just beat myself up for feeling this way to begin with.

The biggest challenge is letting go of the judgment about what I’m feeling, so…

I decided to try a new tactic.

What if... when I felt contracted, I simply took it as a sign from the Universe that it's a time to take care of myself, to not make any big decisions, and to just allow myself to 'be'?

What if... I accepted what I’m feeling and didn't judge it to be good or bad, right or wrong, but just what 'is' for the moment?

What if… I just gave myself permission to feel what I’m feeling and to just let it be okay?

I discovered something…the emotional relief is immediate.

When I judge and resist what I’m feeling, I never really get the chance to move beyond the feelings, by allowing them to move through me.

I might be able to force them into hiding for awhile, but eventually they start popping up in one form or another...

I get sick, want to eat everything in sight, react to my daughter’s moods, (she’s 15, it’s her job to be moody) go through the day with no energy, and wade through sleepless nights…

So how does all this relate to learning how to NOT take things personally?

Something interesting happened when I learned how to stop judging myself and my feelings…

I learned how to stop judging other people’s feelings and to stop taking them personally… especially my partner’s.

Don’t get me wrong, I still have to remind myself DAILY.

But it gets easier all the time.

And it’s easier to communicate from a place of understanding, rather than my old patterns of shutting down or having a huge emotional reaction.

I’ll leave you with one final quote from two of my favorite teachers, Janet & Chris Attwood…

“When I can be okay with the contraction in myself, I can accept the contraction in people around me.  When I'm okay with both, then my life is simply a life lived in love."

Here's to a life lived in love for you and all those you hold dear.

Give yourself the love and acceptance you so deserve :-)

Until next time,

With all my love,

Dawn

Are You A People Pleaser too?

I have a confession.

 

I am, by nature, a people

pleaser.

 

It’s one of the reasons I love

what I do so much.  I get to

help make people happy.

 

Wanting to make my

clients happy is a valuable

personality trait when it comes

to business.

 

Not so much when it comes to

personal relationships.

 

I learned that lesson today

along with a huge revelation.

 

Wanting to make

everyone happy in personal

relationships very often comes

with the high price of self-sacrifice.

 

Self-sacrifice is NOT a valuable

personality trait in relationships.

 

In fact, it can result in the

build-up of resentment,

anger, guilt and the deterioration

of love both for ourselves and others.

 

So, how did I so brilliantly learn this

lesson and have this huge revelation?

 

I didn’t.  My wonderful and very wise

boyfriend pointed it out to me.

 

I was struggling on how to handle

a situation with my daughter’s father.

 

He had sent me a snotty

email trying to make me feel

guilty for not forcing my daughter

to contact him.

 

Since this was coming from a man

who chose not to participate in my

daughter’s life in any way for over

fourteen years and she’s only fifteen,

his attitude really upset me.

 

Up until this time, I have tried to

be incredibly kind and understanding

to him, even though he shirked

all responsibility to my daughter

for years.

 

I responded to his email with a few

very pointed comments of how I felt

about his expectations

and his total lack of caring and

responsibility towards my daughter.

 

But then I started to feel guilty.

 

My people-pleasing instincts kicked

in and I felt like I should try to do

something to make him

feel better.

 

Maybe I was a bit too harsh.

Maybe I shouldn’t have been quite

so blunt and honest in my email.

 

Maybe I should have been even more

understanding… again.

 

I called my boyfriend, who was a

single parent for many years, and asked

for a second opinion.

 

He very patiently pointed out to me

that it wasn’t my job to make EVERYONE

happy, least of all someone who had

created his own predicament by his

own actions… or rather lack of actions.

 

Wow.  Really?

What a revelation.

 

He further supported me in having

expressed my long-hidden feelings by

telling the truth in my email to my daughter's

father.  In my boyfriend’s words, the ball

was in his court.

 

And now I needed to let it go.

 

Just let go and NOT try and try

and try to make everyone happy?

 

Wow.  Really?

What a revelation.

 

But you know what?

He’s right.

It’s not my job.

 

It IS my job to make sure my

clients are happy.  And I will bend

over backwards to make sure they

are.  I love my clients and I love what

I do.

 

But trying to always

make everyone happy in our personal

life will generally constitute some form

of self-sacrifice, and it is impossible

to make anyone else happy if we

ourselves aren’t happy.

 

Sacrificing ourselves, our feelings,

our self-respect, our honesty, is a

sure-fire route to unhappiness.

 

Funny, I tell my clients that all the time.

 

I guess it was time I took my own advice and

learned that lesson first-hand.

 

My advice?  Make yourself happy

first, then worry about everyone else.

 

There are times when it is simply

NOT your job to make others happy,

no matter how guilty they may try to

make you feel.

 

Put the ball back in their court.

 

And then let go.  We all create

our own realities and sometimes we

just need to let other people live out their

own.

 

Then you can focus on creating yours

just the way you want it, without

sacrificing anything :-)

 

Until next time,

 

With all my love,

Dawn

 

 

Dawn Allen, M.S.

Love & Law of Attraction Coach

Certified Dream Coach

Certified Passion Test Facilitator

dawn@inspiredheartcoaching.com

541.608.0508

http://www.InspiredHeartCoaching.com

 

 

 

 

Love- What Does It Mean To You?

Not long ago, my boyfriend and I were

having a conversation about

our previous relationships.

 

Well, actually, to be more specific,

MY previous relationships since I have

... uh, a few in my past.  My boyfriend

was married for 19 years before his

divorce 9 years ago, so his list is a

tad bit shorter :-)

 

He asked what Love is to me now…

I couldn’t come up with an immediate

answer.  But after giving it some thought,

I came up with a few ideas.

 

So, in honor of Valentine’s Day,

here are some thoughts on Love,

and I'd love to hear yours as well.

 

Love means…

trust, acceptance, respect and appreciation,

those are the 4 biggies.

 

Love is…

the willingness to grow and be there for

someone, while also realizing that the goal

is not to ‘arrive’ somewhere in the future,

but to be fully present and appreciative

of where you are right now.

 

Love is…

an action and very often a choice.

And the goal is not to ‘fall in love,’ but to

‘grow in love,’ so you can become more of

who you are, not less.

 

Love…

should never make you feel like you are

‘less than’, but ‘more than’.  It should feel

expansive, not constrictive and restrictive.

 

Love is…

about looking for and seeing the best in

someone, even at times when they may

not be able to see it for themselves.

 

Love…

and fear can’t exist together, so I think love

is about letting go of fear and learning to trust.

 

And here’s the biggest thing I’ve learned about

Love…

you can only give Love to someone else,

when you’ve learned how to give it to yourself.

 

When you’ve learned to really trust, respect and

be honest with yourself, only then can you offer

those same things to someone else.

 

Only then can you make really wise choices

about the people you choose to be with in

your life, because those choices are based

in trust, respect and honesty with yourself,

and not based in fear.

 

I don’t know that earlier in my life,

I was completely conscious of the choices I made

about partners BEFORE I made them and why.

 

In part because I hadn’t taken the time to really

know myself and figure out what I wanted and why. 

 

So that’s my definition for Love.

 

And the best part is I realize that every single

experience I’ve had has allowed me to finally

learn all these things about myself, who I am

and what Love is to me.

 

Now that I can look back on every experience

I’ve had with love and appreciation for what it

taught me, I can look at the present and the future

with only love in my heart.

 

And ya know, that just really feels good.

 

I’d love to know what Love is to you…

 

My Valentine’s wish for you is that

whatever you do and whoever you’re with,

you treat yourself like the best Valentine

in the world… because you are.

 

And that’s what Love is really all about...

loving and appreciating who you are,

just as you are,

so you can share your wonderful self

with someone else.

 

With love, light and blessings,

 

Dawn

 

Past Relationships- How to release them so you can step into the future

Have you ever been in a relationship where you felt like no matter what you did or what you said, you were still attached to the person you were trying to leave behind?

Been there.  The last time, after I had exhausted all my resources for doing everything I knew to let go of the past, a very powerful visualization came to me one morning while I was meditating.

While I was going through this process, I wanted to feel like I was letting go of the past in a peaceful and harmonious way.

I wanted to feel like I was moving towards something I wanted rather than away from something I didn't want.

I've had a quite a few clients recently who were in the same place... needing and wanting to move on from the past, but not knowing how.   

This visualization worked so well for me, I now take all my clients through it as well, and I wanted to share it with you...

Feel free to pass it on if you know anyone who might be needing to leave the past behind, because until we fully complete and release our past relationships, we will continue to carry our emotional baggage into the future.

Take your time with this meditation and do it as often as necessary until you feel a sense of completion.

Find a comfortable place to sit and relax.

Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths.

Allow your awareness to rest gently on your heart.

Visualize yourself standing someplace quiet and peaceful.

Now visualize the person you would like to release from the past standing across from you.

You are each holding one end of a cord that runs between you.

This cord represents your attachment to each other and the energetic connection of your relationship.

You can visualize this cord as a golden rope of light, or a piece of heavy white cord, whatever feels right

for you.

Take a few minutes to tell this person anything you need to say to feel complete with the relationship.

You are speaking to this person’s higher self, so whatever you say will be understood.

Visualize them being appreciative of your telling them how you feel and accepting of anything you have to say.

When you feel complete, lovingly tell this person good-bye and thank them for everything you learned

while you were with them.

Very gently set your end of the cord that you were holding down on the ground.  By setting down your end of the cord, you have released your attachment to this person and the relationship completely.

There is no longer any energetic connection between you. 

You can visualize them setting down their end of the cord, or perhaps they have chosen to hang on to their end of the cord, whatever they choose to do in your visualization is fine.

But since you have set down your end of the cord, you are now free of your connection to the past.

Once you have said good-bye and set down the cord, visualize yourself turning and walking towards a beautiful, white light.

Within this beautiful white light is everything you now want to manifest in your life… all your dreams, goals, and desires.

Now that you have released and let go of the past, you are free to walk into this light and know that

everything is there waiting for you.

Your only job now is to feel what it’s like to be surrounded by everything you desire; your dreams are there waiting for you, you just need to open your arms and let them into your life.

The only thing that was holding you back was your attachment to the past.

Now that you’ve let that go, you are free to receive all the good waiting for you now and in the future.

Spend some time thinking about everything that this beautiful white light holds for you.

Write it all down… your ideal relationship and partner, your ideal career and financial resources, your ideal home life, your physical health and well-being.

Tap into the experience of what it would feel like to be living in your ideal life.

Place your hand over your heart and anchor those feelings of joy, happiness, peace, love, success, prosperity... whatever feelings represent your ideal life for you. 

Anytime you start to feel worried, doubtful or insecure, go back to this meditation and visualize yourself again gently putting down the cord to the past and walking towards the light of everything you want in your life.

Every time you do this visualization, you will be freeing yourself more and more from the past, and strengthening your connection to the future, your desires and effortlessly attracting them into your life.

I'd love to hear from you, and as always, if I can support you in any way, please let me know.

Until next time...

With love light and blessings,

Dawn

 

Dawn Allen, M.S.

Love & Law of Attraction Coach

Certified Dream Coach

Certified Passion Test Facilitator

541.608.0508

http://www.InspiredHeartCoaching.com

dawn@inspiredheartcoaching.com